., i don't know how to be something you miss

[julietdeveraux]

Date. It’s a simple word—one that doesn’t usually freak girls out so much. Of course, Juliet Deveraux had always been a little odd when it came to relationships and dating, so it wasn’t really a surprise that the simple idea of going on a date unnerved her so much. Once, a long time ago, Juliet hadn’t been quite so terrified of the idea of a relationship. In fact, she’d been kind of obsessed with the idea of having a perfect, fairytale romance for a while and, at one point, she’d been fairly certain she’d found it. Okay, maybe Levi Van Zandt wasn’t Prince Charming—he definitely wasn’t Prince Charming at all, actually. But, they’d been happy—really happy. In fact, Juliet was pretty sure she’d been in love with him before their relationship had crashed and burned so terribly. She’d never told him that, though, and, for a while, any pleasant, lovely feelings she might have felt for him dissipated practically at light speed when their relationship ended.

As much as Juliet once blamed him for the terrible conclusion of what had been a really great thing, it hadn’t been anybody’s fault. After his mother passed away in what was now known as “the Fire,” Levi had been different—really different. Juliet only expected things to change, of course, but not in the way they had. He was angry, naturally, and he lashed out at her, even though she was only trying to help, and other circumstances had changed too much for anything to keep working. Though she’d desperately wanted to stick around and do something to help, the whole thing really did piss her off to no end. When he broke up with her, something inside Juliet had changed—perhaps not for the better. After their split, any fantasies about fairytale relationships and getting to be a princess disappeared completely. Juliet no longer had any desire to be in a relationship and go on dates and be cutesy and lovey dovey with anybody. Instead, she occupied her time by sleeping around—probably more than could ever have been considered socially acceptable. Up until recently, though, she didn’t mind it much. It took the guess work out of everything—no more feelings, no more horrible vulnerability, no more worrying about putting herself out there and getting completely torn down, just sex.

Everything was significantly different now, though, than it had been just last week. Juliet wasn’t even totally positive how things had ended up this way. She’d been talking to Levi online and all of the sudden, she was telling him to take her out on a date. It wasn’t something she’d expect—especially not from herself. What was, perhaps, even odder was the fact that Levi agreed to take her out without much of a fight. It all kind of escalated from there. After establishing that they were going out together, they talked about how he loved her back then, how she missed him, and even a little bit about whether or not they still loved each other. The weirdest part about it, though, was that Juliet found herself actually looking forward to this date. She wanted to go out with him—she even kind of wanted to get back together with him. Nobody needed to know that, though—no one except Delilah, who was already busy gloating about it.

Now, on the evening of their second first date, Juliet was busy pacing around in front of her closet, freaking out. Normally, she was pretty cool, calm and collected, even about things that probably weren’t that great. She didn’t usually like to think about problems or what could go wrong, but tonight, that was all she could think of. What if she got too attached? What if they got back together and things fell apart again? She wasn’t exactly great and making herself vulnerable—not after last time. Frustrated, she buried her hands in her long blonde curls and sighed. How did people deal with this? Honestly, she couldn’t find any reason at all that she’d ever want to tolerate going through something like this ever again. Of course, that frustrated her even more. Why was she trying so hard for Levi? He wasn’t anything special, right? He was special, though—to her he was, anyway. He was her first real boyfriend and, more importantly, her first love, though, she never told him that and didn’t ever really intend to. Tonight was just a test run to see if they could ever work out again. The whole love discussion would come later—much later.

After about thirty minutes of simply staring at the closet, it seemed like a good idea to start getting ready. Juliet reached in and pulled out a little black dress and matching heels and sighed. Why did she feel so much extra pressure for this than she ever would have otherwise? It wasn’t like this was going to be some kind of life changing date. This was just one trip into Seattle—one dinner that could go well or poorly but she really didn’t have to let it affect her. With a resolute nod, she slid her dress off the hanger and changed into it, checking herself in the mirror for a moment before throwing her hair up into a loose up-do and made her way downstairs to wait. There was no use in stressing out about it anymore—Levi was already on his way and would probably be there any minute. Worrying about how nervous she was definitely wouldn’t solve any problems, anyway.

Anxiously, Juliet dropped onto her couch and rifled through her glittery silver bag for a minute before pulling out her cell phone. If he was on time, Levi would be arriving in about 30 seconds, which gave her just enough time to take one more deep breath before diving into the night. Maybe this time second chances were a good thing.

this is tagged to lizzzz! & it is complete. i've got about 991 things to say to you. you can find the threads juliet is rocking right this!. i've got to give a shout to me for graphics while those lyrics up there go to tswizzle, last kiss. oh! i can't forget i have to say; awkward, awesome, adorable and other a words. (:

[leviticus van zandt.]

/ / / levi wasn't unfamiliar with dating, he wasn't even unfamiliar with dating juliet, sure, it had been awhile since they'd gone out on a date. a couple years and a nasty break-up between them, they were moving past that now. which he was more thankful for then he'd ever care to admit, his mom hadn't been the only thing he'd lost in the fire. of course there were that material things but he'd lost a lot of things that couldn't have been replaced by the insurance money. he'd lost juliet, nearly lost delilah, and there were only a few friends he'd been friends with before the fire that still talked to him. he'd pretty given up, let the guilt take over him, he should have been able to save him om. then e let other doubts crept in, maybe he didn't fight hard enough against the firefighter holding him back, maybe he wanted his mom to die. he had more then once expressed to juliet how tired he was of having to take care of her, he never held back his disdain for her drinking habits when he spoke to delilah, maybe he'd given up in the firefighters arms because he knew she'd be better off and then he'd no longer have to deal with her bullshit. it was demon he'd never really been able to get rid of, the couple weeks he'd spent in the hospital taking care of the burns he'd gotten when he'd gone upstairs for his sister hadn't helped him any, the skin across his back and shoulders or the emotional fuckery that erupted in him. the sterile walls and hours without guests - which he'd asked for and later gotten him into trouble with delilah when he'd been released - left a lot of time for him to think to examine what happened, what he could've done, he'd imagined the floor plan of his house, getting thisbe had been simple, minus the whole catching on fire part, all he'd have to do was leave her for a minute in the foyer while he got his mom from the living room couch, or he could have gotten her to the front step and then turned right back around, he hadn't needed to leave the house entirely. he'd come out of there pretty fucked up, his silent treatment with the doctors and nurses had earned him a couple visits from a psychologist, but his dad was a lawyer - the district attorney no less - couple that with levi's natural charm and he downplayed everything, made it simply seem like he was just trying to process his mom's death and he didn't really feel like talking, that if there were something wrong he'd have let the doctors or nurses know. it might have been unhealthy since that bottling up had cost him the girl he loved - the only girl he'd ever loved, for that matter - and a most of his friends who couldn't handle the new sullen and volatile asshole he'd become.

he'd spent a lot of the last few months trying to make up for that dark period, he may not have been doing very well, but the fact juliet was talking to him and even suggesting they go on a date was actually a pretty good sign that he was making some sort of headway. he wasn't ready to be the levi he'd been before, there was still too much angst and guilt built up in him but it was easy to forget those parts of him as he'd finished up his shower and thought more about his plans with juliet. his sister had finally managed to get the details of his evening tonight from an unwitting delilah, he hadn't exactly been planning on keeping his date with juliet a secret from his little sister, he was going to tell her, but maybe not until he got home, just in case something went wrong - and there were plenty of worries that something would go wrong - he didn't want to get her hopes up. thisbe was more then a little upset by his break-up with juliet, the couple may not have spent a lot of time at his house because of his mom but they had spent a lot of time around his little sister, and his little sister had really grown to love juliet, it had been hard for her when leviticus had been allowed home from the hospital and juliets visit's stopped only a day or two after that. at first, she'd still been too fussed about their mom, but as time went on she began feeling that absence too.

it was like thinking of his sister had summoned the little monster because he soon heard a pounding on his door, "you better not be late, stop being such a girl!" she yelled at him through the door, and he stopped pulling the shirt on over his head and glared at the heavy oak door, if that had been delilah he'd have had more then a few choice words for her, "why don't you just go colour and watch finding nemo?" taking shots at her age was always a plus, "shut up, ass face!" a little bit of shock hit his face and he stared at his door, he was saying a lot worse at twelve years old but that was still just.. no, not from his little sister, not allowed. "hey, watch your mouth. that's it, no more public school for you!" he yelled back running a hand over his mussed hair, "i'm calling sacred heart in the morning!" he heard his sister's laugh through the door, "because dad is really going to put himself out of a new car by throwing me in a catholic private school." while that had meant to be sarcastic and scathing he heard the small traces of bitterness in her tone, they might as well have lost their dad in that fire too for all that he was around and even cared about them anymore. he decided to ignore that attitude and shook his head as he checked his wallet for credits cards and extra cash in case. now he felt the nerves pull up in him as he shut the door to his room and headed down the stairs. he shouldn't have been nervous, this wasn't that big of a deal it was just a date. a date with a girl he'd been really in love with until he'd broken her heart and then never really forgiven himself for it, but just a date. he was briefly reminded of the im when she'd asked if he still loved her. did he? more then a little, yeah, but after what had happened.. yeah, that ship had sailed, or he'd thought. though right right now he was jus trying to focus on tonight. focusing on the here and now was always easier for him, it may have been a little irresponsible since it made long-term planning a pain but it was a lot easier, it kept him as sane as he was.

his gaze fell on his sister's lounging on the couch, or rather delilah and his little sister, but he'd lumped delilah into that category years ago on the playground, it wasn't surprising that delilah had jumped at the chance to babysit and thisbe was more then happy to have delilah as her babysitter. "no strippers while i'm gone, yeah?" he teased leaning over the back of the couch to rumple thisbe's hair and kiss the top of delilah's head. "you're hilarious, i'll get the door for you." she said pulling herself out from under thisbe and following him as he walked towards the hall. she stopped him just before the door, fixing him with a serious look, "if you fuck her over again, i'm not helping you out again, okay? so don't fuck it up." he smiled down at her, "you worry too much." he said pulling her into a hug, a smirk trailing his lips as he stepped back and reached for the door handle, "oh, and if you want to have jayden over after thisbe goes to sleep, i keep my co- ouch!" he barely finished the taunt before she'd punched him in the shoulder, "out! she shooed him away trying to hold back a blush as she shot him a glare, he snickered as he made his way down the driveway to his slick black car. he took the rain-wet pavement probably a lot quicker then he should have but it put him at her house right on time, which was obviously a plus. running a hand over his hair again he stepped out of his car and made his way up the path to her door, hitting the doorbell and waiting for the door to swing open while he tried to push down whatever nerves tried to form. after a moment he heard the unmistakable sound of heels and the handle turned, brighter light filled the top step and he smiled at her as the door moved back and revealed her, "hey," he said, managing to sound super casual, "you look amazing," he told her, with a little less casualness around his tone and hints of reverence as he'd pulled his gaze over her in a not-sleazy way as had become his habit over the years.

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this post here is dedicated to juliet a.k.a the fantastico natalieeeee and it's complete. pretty much i've got about a lot things to say to you. levi is looking pretty fresh in these threads here, because i was way too lazy to polyvore. this template was inspired by the lovely miss kaye! those lyrics up there belong to all time low and juliet simms from their beautiful song; remembering sunday, but right now i'm rocking out to boyce avenue "teenage dream (katy perry cover)" . oh, i can't forget to say; <333 ignore how disgustingly overboard i went, kthx.

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[julietdeveraux]

The whole keeping calm process had actually been going decently well until the doorbell rang. It was really amazing how a simple ring of the bell got Juliet’s heart racing faster than anything had in a while. She didn’t want to be so nervous—she didn’t know why she was so nervous to begin with. Sure, there were tons of things that could go wrong tonight and it could end just as badly as it could well, but she knew the more she stressed out about it, the worse off it was going to end. However, with that one chime of the bell, Juliet felt the nerves pulse through her and she wrestled desperately with them to keep them under control as she lifted herself off the couch and made her way toward the door. There was nothing to freak out about—it was just a date. Maybe she was a little bit rusty with the whole dating thing, but even so, it was just a date. Like Delilah said, what were dates but just hanging out? Normally, they weren’t much more than hanging out, albeit in a nice restaurant or at the movies or something, but they weren’t such high stress situations. This wasn’t exactly a normal date, though.

At first, Juliet attributed the ridiculous amounts of nerves coursing through her body from just the thought of going out with Levi to the fact that she was rusty with the whole dating thing. She was just nervous about making a fool of herself or saying the wrong thing or something, right? That wasn’t it, though. Really, deep down, Juliet knew she was this nervous because, before their breakup, she’d been so in love with Levi and it wasn’t something that had just gone away. In fact, though she’d never tell anyone—not even Delilah—she was pretty sure those feelings were still there. This was probably the only second chance she’d ever get with him—she didn’t want to fuck it up. It was kind of funny, though, the way Juliet placed all the pressure on herself when she was the one giving him a second chance. Either way, she was still worried about how everything was going to go. Though she’d forgiven him for everything, there was still a little bitterness lurking in her mind. He’d broken her heart in the worst way possible—there was no way she was forgetting that any time soon. All the mix CDs full of sad breakup songs and angry breakup songs were still sitting on top of her dresser and her notebook full of songs she’d written herself was full of some choice words she’d had for him at the time. There would probably always be a slight pang in her chest whenever she saw him just from remembering all the nights she’d stayed up crying, staring at the phone and waiting for him to call or the nights when she was angry enough to throw a dish (or two or three) at her wall. That would never go away, but she really was doing her best to forgive and forget, so to speak.

Today, of course, when the bell rang, Juliet was too busy focusing on how nervous she was to even think about how her relationship with Levi went down in flames so long ago, which was, in retrospect, probably a good thing. She was far too worried about impressing him to think about how much she’d missed him at first. What was the point of remembering that when she might have been getting another chance to be with him again? Things could go back to normal—sort of, anyway. If they did get back together, Juliet knew they’d never be the same couple they had been before all of this happened. She did know, though, that some things would be the same. For one, Levi’s little sister would still be the cutest thing ever and she’d (hopefully) reprise her role as Juliet’s own personal cheerleader. Juliet hadn’t ever considered herself that great with kids, but Thisbe had taken quite a liking to her and seemed to be the blonde girl’s biggest fan. She’d even stopped talking to Levi for a little while after they broke up, which was both adorable and unnecessary. At least they’d still have that for some semblance of normalcy, even if everything else was completely different. Maybe that was a good thing though. This could be completely different than last time in a really good way, so why fight it?

Resolved on at least going part of the night without completely losing her mind, Juliet pulled the front door of her apartment open and smiled, trying to look as nonchalant as she possibly could. Surprisingly, she was fairly good at that from years of training herself not to care much about anything at all, despite the fact that she was terrified of what might happen tonight. Of course, Levi was as casual as ever, just as she remembered he always was before they went out. Juliet really wouldn’t have been surprised if he wasn’t nervous about this at all, even though he was the one who fucked up last time, not her. He just wasn’t the worrisome type—then again, neither was Juliet before about two days ago. Then again, a lot of things were different than they had been a few days ago. A few days ago, Juliet wouldn’t have been blushing like a school girl just from the way he looked at her. It wasn’t her fault that he really knew how to look at a girl without seeming sleazy or creepy or anything. Instead, for the first time in a while, Juliet felt beautiful—it was kind of nice, to be honest. It was a refreshing change to feel confident without feeling like her clothes needed to be in a pile on the floor.

“Hey,” she replied with a small smile, raising an eyebrow at him as she twirled around in a small circle, watching the skirt of her dress fan out slightly in front of her. It was definitely more comfortable now that they were actually together—Juliet could feel the nerves dissipating quickly as she fell back into her comfort zone. Besides, it was far easier to get back into being her usual, bubbly, flirty self than it was to be a gigantic pile of nerves. It was pretty difficult to feel anything other than beautiful when Levi was there telling her how amazing she looked, anyway. “You don’t look half bad yourself, mister,” she said, a cute southern twang and a girlish giggle escaping her lips. Normally she didn’t want to play the damsel in distress, but it was really hard not to when Levi was being like this.

The evening air was almost cool enough to make the horrible blush that burned across her cheeks go away, but surprisingly, Juliet didn’t mind it much. It was kind of nice to feel like a little fifteen year old going out on her first date again. “So, where are you taking me?” she asked with a grin, brushing a stray curl out of her eyes. “I got all dressed up for this, it better be somewhere good,” Juliet teased hesitantly reaching out to take his hand for a moment before dropping it nearly as abruptly as she’d taken it. Okay, maybe she was still a little nervous and awkward despite the fact that she was feeling less nervous and awkward than she had been before. Hopefully everything would be less awkward as time went on, but Juliet certainly didn’t have super high hopes—not yet, anyway.

this is tagged to lizzzz! & it is complete. i've got about 1277 things to say to you. you can find the threads juliet is rocking right here. i've got to give a shout to me for graphics while those lyrics up there go to tswizzle, last kiss. oh! i can't forget i have to say; awkward, awesome, adorable and other a words. (:

[leviticus van zandt.]

/ / / levi knew he had a lot to make up for. and that... was really an understatement. there were very few people in the world who'd ever really touched him or meant that much to him. before the fire he might have been a little outgoing, but to the core he was still pretty anti-social, he wasn't the overly trusting type and he had a habit of being a cynic. delilah's innocence and her overall demand for his attention since they were kids was what had drawn him to her to begin with, she was one of those people you couldn't deny and he'd enveloped her into his family, taken up her post as the annoying little sister. thisbe held a spot in this inner-circle, of course. he'd at one point been really close to sam, but sam's worsening erratic behaviours as well as the assholish-ness that had increased after the fire in levi had dissolved that friendship, sam's continuing verbal and emotional abuse of delilah only made it worse, that was a relationship he was sure he'd never get back and he wasn't upset about that at all. juliet had also come in and shook up his world, the first girl he'd ever loved, the first girl he'd really ever put any effort into seeing apart from that first amazing night together. he had to admit her disinterest in him at first - feigned or not - had got to him, he'd always been used to being irresistible, so obviously he had to have her. it started out as... settling a score so to speak, but through chasing her and their eventual relationship... she'd changed him in a way. he wasn't ready to drop down on one knee for her, but there had been moments where he considered the longevity of their relationship and he thought it'd go on for awhile. and it would've if he hadn't of gone low-key crazy after his mom died. the fucking irony of it all was the fire that fucked their relationship all to hell had happened the day before he'd planned on telling her he loved her instead of just hinting at or intimating it. on the ferry. on their way home from their day, it'd be the perfect end to a pretty elaborate date. they may now finally be getting their trip to seattle, but it was only dinner and he couldn't tell her he loved her. he was afraid to even admit he still loved her when she'd asked him the other day. it freaked him out now, like realizing he'd loved her back then had freaked him out.

he chuckled a little at her statement, a whole host of egotistical retorts pushing to the forefront of his mind, instead he just grinned at her, "thank you." there was something about juliet that had always made him want to be different, even before they'd dated and the fire he'd had a tendency to be a dick. he didn't know what it was, but it was just there, it was an attitude his mother constantly got on him for and tried to help him curb as well as his temper, though whenever he'd found himself around juliet he put in extra effort, always trying to show her the side thisbe and delilah really got to see, it might have been cheesy, but it didn't really matter. he let a smirk trail over his lips, "someplace nice..." he replied loftily, grinning a little, because even if he wanted to be better he couldn't help but be a smartass around her, over the time they've known each other it really just seemed to have been a habit that developed between them, or rather in their group of friends. she, delilah and himself were pretty much the biggest smartasses you'd find around, hanging out with them was a crash course in sarcasm and learning how to now get your feelings hurt. levi almost chuckled as she took his hand and then quickly dropped it, obviously he wasn't the only one with a few nerves. honestly, there were more nerves twisting through his gut then he realize, all he really wanted to do was pull her to him and kiss her, considering everything that had happened between them it seemed pretty tame, a safe action, but he didn't want to trying this by pushing things too far, too quickly, "shall we?" he said with a smile, stepping back as she closed her door, this time he took her hand as they went down to his car. like the perfect gentleman he used to be, he got the doors to her building and then the car door. sliding back into the drivers seat, he smiled at her before starting the sleek black car.

with his penchant for speeding and the surprisingly light traffic, the drive into kingston took less then he'd anticipated, or at least it had felt shorter which he was pretty sure might just have had something to do with his current company, the awkwardness in the air had dissipated as the drive from hollow creek to where they'd catch the ferry across the sound progressed, traces of it still clung to them, but he was pretty sure that just might be something they'd be unable to shake until the late afternoon/evening progressed, pulling into the fairy behind a black suburban he looked over at her, another smile crossing his features before he could really stop it, he was not falling back into the routine this quickly, was he? he knew that apart from all the angst he wasn't that different and he knew that as much as he'd wanted to make juliet out to be this total bitch not that long ago, that his feelings for her hadn't really changed either. why he'd taken his guilt for what he'd done to her out on her was beyond him, but then again as delilah liked to explain it "you can't really explain what people do when they're depressed" while he didn't like being called depressed - no matter how true it was - coming from delilah he knew she had a point, knew what her depression after losing gymnastics had driven to her. he let his gaze drop from juliets face as he took the keys from the ignition, "let's head up to the deck, " he said as he stepped out of the car and going arounf to the other side and opening her door, not hesitating this time to take her hand as they moved through the cars parked below deck to the stairs that'd put them back into the slightly chilled washington air. when they reached the deck, he didn't let go off her hand, if she didn't want to hold hands, she'd have to pull back, he hated how much enjoyed holding her again, even if it was only her hand, they walked through the thin crowd over to the port side, "so, delilah was really irritated she had to bring up the subject of this date," he told juliet with a chuckle, "i had to sit through a very long lecture though, there is disembowelment, castration and not so pleasant weekend with her father and uncle orlando should i fuck this up again..." he said an amused smile pulling across his lips as he trailed his gaze over her face.

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this post here is dedicated to juliet a.k.a the fantastico natalieeeee and it's complete. pretty much i've got about a lot things to say to you. levi is looking pretty fresh in these threads here, because i was way too lazy to polyvore. this template was inspired by the lovely miss kaye! those lyrics up there belong to all time low and juliet simms from their beautiful, amazing, heartbreaking song; remembering sunday, but right now i'm rocking out to wheeeeeeeezy "a milli" . oh, i can't forget to say; i kind of love them. you actually can't get the ferry from kingston into seattle, you go to edmonds and then drive to seattle but oh. fucking. well.

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[julietdeveraux]

The drive over was surprisingly comfortable—much more relaxed that Juliet ever would have expected. It helped that she seemed to have calmed down now that she was actually with Levi instead of sitting alone, worrying about what could happen. Nothing good ever came from worrying, especially not as much as she had been just a little while ago. Instead of things being tense and awkward the way Juliet expected them to be, she and Levi easily fell into their old routine of sarcasm and playful comments—teasing each other about anything and everything. Sure, things were still a tiny bit awkward—it was obvious they both had their doubts and fears about this date, but all in all, everything was really much better than Juliet thought it was going to be. Really, it was almost like nothing had ever happened between them, even though they both knew plenty had happened. Too much had happened, really, but it was almost possible to forget about all of that when they were joking around in the car.

When they got there, though, the nerves returned. This was their second chance—their only second chance and for once, Juliet was completely in the dark. Last time they were supposed to go into Seattle, Juliet planned the whole thing .It was going to be a fancy, complex night and she got to be in charge of all of it. This time, though, she didn’t even know where they were going. All she knew was that they were going to dinner at a nice restaurant. Normally, she would have hated this—as spontaneous as Juliet usually was, she liked to have some structure when it came to dates. That probably had to do with the fact that dating was one thing that made her truly uncomfortable. It had something to do with the combination of the vulnerability that was expected in a relationship and all of the mushy, touchy-feely business that made her avoid them like the plague. Well, all that and the fact that the last (and only) time Juliet had really been in love, it hadn’t ended well and, in reality, it more or less scarred her. Even now with her second shot at a functional relationship with Levi, Juliet was hesitant to admit to anyone the degree and gravity of her feelings for him and how much she really did want this to work out. That was why everything had to be perfect—if anything went wrong, this would just be a totally fucked up attempt at something that wasn’t meant to be.

As they stepped out of the car and made their way onto the deck of the ferry, Juliet felt her face burning again, flushed with a combination of embarrassment and anticipation. It felt so right just to hold his hand again—it freaked her out a little bit. All she could see for a moment was flashes of their relationship—how it started, how it ended and all the good times in between. It was kind of funny how they’d started dating, really. Originally, Juliet had just been aiming to lead him on. She knew he was interested and she wasn’t—not at first, anyway. She liked knowing that Levi wanted her—liked pretending that she wanted nothing to do with him, though that wasn’t entirely true. Of course, once she slept with him, everything changed. Most importantly, as ridiculous as it sounded, she changed. When she was with Levi, Juliet didn’t feel the need to sleep around or anything, perhaps because back when she was with Levi was before her whole slutty future completely exploded in her face. It wasn’t exactly the best reaction to heartbreak, but it was the only way Juliet knew how to deal with it. It also came with plenty of consequences and repercussions including a terrible reputation around town and a pregnancy scare involving herself and Delilah’s douchebag of a brother. Luckily, that one hadn’t panned out to anything more than a scare, but it still sucked nonetheless. Anyway, that was all in the past now—or, it would be, if things worked out. It wasn’t something Juliet normally did, but she truly did hope this would work out for them. Maybe this was exactly what she needed to get everything back on track—maybe this was exactly what they needed. She definitely didn’t like the sound of that—them needing each other. Nobody really needed anyone else like that, did they?

The cool night air was refreshing as it hit her overheated skin, but it wasn’t doing much to dull the redness that was probably splashed across Juliet’s pale cheeks. It was easy for her to act unaffected, but that didn’t stop thoughts of how much she really did just want to kiss him like she used to and then some from running through her mind. She’d spent so long pushing feelings like that away that it was entirely overwhelming when she finally decided to let them back in. Though self control wasn’t ever something Juliet had really been that great at exercising, she was trying her best to have a handle on it now, anyway. If she just jumped on him randomly in the middle of the ferry deck, there would be way too many complications to be dealt with after. Doing that now was as good as admitting that she’d loved him all this time and she just wasn’t ready for that—it was possible that she’d never be ready for that.

When Levi spoke, Juliet giggled and shook her head slightly, recalling how very giddy Delilah had been to hear about this date. It wasn’t something she ever planned on keeping from her best friend, but Juliet also wasn’t a fan of hearing, “I told you so,” which was all Delilah really had to say about the situation. “Disembowelment, castration and a not so pleasant weekend with Papa Whitlock and Uncle Orlando,” she repeated with a chuckle, shaking her head slightly. While Juliet really did love Delilah to death, she was also aware of how difficult her father could be, even though both of the Whitlock parents happened to love her—they also didn’t know she’d been fucking around with their son until very recently and that he’d almost knocked her up, either. “That seems like a pretty steep price to pay just for breaking my little old heart.” It was meant to come off as something that wasn’t serious at all, but of course it didn’t. Biting her lip slightly, Juliet looked away from him for a moment, focusing her attention on the water below them for a moment, trying to figure out how to pull this back together if he noticed her slight faux pas. It wasn’t a secret that he’d broken her heart such a long time ago, but it also wasn’t something they’d really talked about since and it wasn’t something Juliet really wanted to talk about now—not on their second first date. This was their time to start over, not to talk about everything. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that,”

she said quietly, turning her gaze from the water to their intertwined hands then back to Levi tentatively. “Delilah will be just as mad at me if I fuck this up too.”

this is tagged to lizzzz! & it is complete. i've got about 1219 things to say to you. you can find the threads juliet is rocking right here. i've got to give a shout to me for graphics while those lyrics up there go to tswizzle, last kiss. oh! i can't forget i have to say; i. love. them. you know, with my weakness for awkward couples and all.

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[leviticus van zandt.]

/ / / leviticus had been pretty sure there weren't too many ways you could fuck up a nice dinner in seattle. it was a large city with a fuckton of diversity, and even though he had the eternal disdain of his father levi also had access to a hefty bank account, money was not an obstacle. money and a lot of option didn't make levi an excellent planned though and he had to wonder how their seattle trip the first time around gotten planned. oh yeah, that's right - jules. he'd learned fairly quickly hat there was such a thing as too many options, he'd been floundering over restaurant choices, there had been a slight reprieve when he knew some places couldn't take reservations so last minute, but the restaurant he'd finally decided on had made an exception when he'd dropped the "van zandt" name, sometimes his father being the district attorney was actually kind of handy. most of the time it was just about how much levi embarrassed him, and how sick he got of bailing levi out of shit. there was one thing levi had never managed to do and that was please his father, even before his mother had died and he'd been doing good in school, was the best player on his varsity baseball team and had pretty much been the golden child minus a healthy love for women and partying with his friends on the weekend. even when levi had found himself some semblance of calm when he'd begun dating juliet nothing he'd ever done for him was good enough. juliet had never even been good enough for his father, the man had had more then a few complaints that centered around her, all of which continually pushed levi to the edge and had his mother trying to play peacemaker, trying to soothe the temper of her son and chastise the negativity out of her husband. telling him that he was in love with her had meant nothing to him, it was just another thing to scoff at, "don't let her know that, she'll have you convinced she's pregnant before long." that one had actually earned his father a punch to the face, in levi's defense both of them had spent a greater part of the evening drinking with his uncle who'd come into town as a surprise. it had also been his uncle who'd taken them apart, because as ever his father never hesitated to keep the fight going. thoughts like that had never crossed his mind about juliet, they never could have, she was too much the center of his world back then.

it was almost amazing to him how quickly the routine felt normal again, like it hadn't been more then a day since he'd laced their fingers together, how easily it was to be eager to have her lips on his again. he knew that this should've been a regular occurrence for them, they shouldn't have been feeling nerves, they should've been being happy and completely carefree. this would have been one of the countless trips into the city, they'd know their favourite restaurants, possibly have regular tables. but that was in a perfect world where he didn't fuck everything up and mis mother hadn't died and his father wasnt such a fucking asshole. he tried to clear his thoughts, the point was they were having their second chance now, her hand was laced in his again and this time... this time he was doing all that he could to make up for what he'd done and to keep a hold of them - if that's what she wanted. it would hurt like hell but if she didn't want them to get back together, didn't want anything further then this night then he'd let her go. get out of her hair as much as he could considering their smaller town and her friendship with delilah who was pretty much his little sister.

he nodded as she repeated the words delilah had passed on to him, it wasn't shocking, leviticus had known the whitlock family since... well, since forever. he'd grown up around mr. whitlock, been threatened multiple times as delilah had matured into the beautiful teen she was today, constantly reassured the man that being interested in delilah would be something akin to incest. the man had had his back, but he also didn't doubt that could change as soon as he fucked delilah over or another girl he considered to be like a surrogate daughter to him. it could be argued that levi had been accepted into the family fold over the years too, but papa whitlock had never failed to shoe his preference of the females in his family over the males. pin delilah against sam or levi and in matteo's opinion she was always right, seline versus sam at their christmas party last year and sam had clearly done her wrong to hear matteo tell it. it was alright with him, he didn't care because he was extra careful never to find himself pitted against anyone in his surrogate family. delilah's family had truly been there for him no matter what, letting thisbe stay there while his dad lived in a hotel and levi was in the hospital, and upon levi's release from the hospital he'd been allowed a room as well - after a very lengthy discussion that unless he was going to the restroom, the kitchen or to check on thisbe he was to stay in his own room the whole night. and he'd stayed with them until his father had bought the new home. when she said next didn't entirely surprise him, he knew he'd fucked up, delilah and pretty much everyone else that had still called him a friend and talked to him had let him know that he'd really messed up. still he was drew up a little short, he didn't know what to say and he saw as juliet drug her blue eyes away from his face that she'd sort of regretted him and it made him feel worse, it was his fuck up, she shouldn't have felt bad for calling him to the carpet on it. he shook his head at her words, "don't." he told her trying to catch her gaze, he tugged on their hands lightly pulling her to him, he untangled their fingers and took her face in his hands, "don't. i fucked us up, i hurt you. i know i did and i also know that i'll never be able to make up for it or forgive myself for it." he told her as he held her gaze, "but i am really sorry, there is not a day i don't wish i could go back and change things. even the days you really pissed me off." he told her a light chuckle taking the words at the end, "which i deserved every time." he stroked her cheek with his thumb, studying her expression for a moment, "i'm not gonna break your heart again. i couldn't live with that." he promised her, easily ignoring the several passerbys who'd taken a less then subtle interest in the young couple looking so serious.

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this post here is dedicated to juliet a.k.a the fantastico natalieeeee and it's complete. pretty much i've got about a lot things to say to you. levi is looking pretty fresh in these threads here, because i was way too lazy to polyvore. this template was inspired by the lovely miss kaye! those lyrics up there belong to all time low and juliet simms from their beautiful, amazing, heartbreaking song; remembering sunday, but right now i'm rocking out to harry potter and the order of the phoenix. oh, i can't forget to say; so fucking cute. <3 and this has nothing to do with my post but i miss the original dumbledore. and i am absolutely in love with emma thompson. haha.

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[julietdeveraux]

Juliet was honestly rather surprised that her slip of the tongue hadn’t resulted in a huge argument complete with harsh words passed between both sides. Perhaps she hadn’t given Levi the benefit of the doubt as much as she really should have. She couldn’t help but remember all the arguments they’d had just before and directly after their break up, all centered around almost nothing at all with no point except to yell at each other. At the time, Juliet didn’t realize how insensitive she was truly being—yelling at him about anything and everything—being a dick, breaking her heart—the usual. Never once had it crossed her mind that he was having trouble getting back on his feet—that losing a parent was a traumatic thing to endure no matter what the circumstances were, let alone essentially losing two. It had never been lost on Juliet that Levi’s father was kind of a prick in multiple ways. The fact that he didn’t seem to have a valid reason for disapproving so highly of Juliet didn’t help his case in her eyes much. It didn’t surprise her at all when he ditched his children in favor of his job, leaving Levi alone to fend for himself and Thisbe as best as he could. Of course, only after several months—maybe even as long as a year—did Juliet even begin to acknowledge that all of these things factored into Levi’s behavior. Of course, it didn’t help even a little bit—it only made her angrier with herself for lacking enough patience to stand by him, as incredibly irritating as his manic depressive state was. If she really loved him, she would have stayed—she would have tried harder to make things work.

That was half the problem, though. It wasn’t in Juliet’s nature to stick around when the going got tough. Instead, as silly and childish as it seemed, she preferred to run away, and that’s exactly what she did with Levi. He didn’t want her around anymore and he was busy being a dick to everyone who cared, so why even bother? Even Delilah was getting tired of his attitude and she was the kindest, most forgiving person Juliet ever knew. The more she thought about it, the guiltier she felt for leaving. Running away was a cowardly thing to do and, despite everything that had passed between them, Levi had as much a right to be upset with her as well. Instead of being there for him through the tough times as she would have expected of him, she ran away. Perhaps it wasn’t her place to feel so badly about it—he never expressed annoyance at her for leaving when he told her to, but that didn’t stop her from feeling as she did.

When Levi unlaced their hands and placed both of his hands on her face, she inhaled in surprise, all thoughts of how guilty she felt about letting their relationship go so easily fleeing from her mind. Now, the only thing that occupied her thoughts was how easy it would be to just lean in and kiss him right there. They were certainly close enough—if she just leaned forward and tilted her head up, their lips would meet just like they used to so often when they were together. She was afraid of taking things too quickly, though, especially when they were in the midst of a serious conversation—too serious for the time, perhaps. This was supposed to be about new beginnings, and yet Juliet had already managed to bring it back to their old times. They didn’t really have to talk about what had happened between them—everything seemed to be working out just fine without that conversation. Or, maybe they really did have to have that talk and Juliet was just running away from it the way she ran away from everything. After Levi, she ran away from real relationships—from good guys that wanted more than just to fuck her, from love or even just the prospect of it. She was done running away, though. She was going to give them one more chance to work out without running away from everything that scared her the most.

“No, no,”

she said quietly, dropping her gaze once more for a moment, embarrassed at herself. When they’d first broken up, she had made such a big deal about it all and after all of it, at had taken her too long to realize that he wasn’t the only person in the wrong on this one. “I should have… I should have been there for you instead of running away.”[/color] Her voice was quiet and fragile as she brought her blue eyes back up to his face, studying his features carefully, just in case this was the last time that they would be this close. He was still the same as she remembered, right down to the little freckle on his jaw, but there was something different in his eyes—remorse, or something like it, probably. “I should have been there for you, Levi. I know I should have, and I wasn’t and I’m sorry.” This was the first apology Juliet had made to anyone in a long time—he knew well enough what a difficult time she’d always had with apologies. Ever since she was a little girl, Juliet had taken to always being right and getting everything she wanted, no apology necessary. Maybe that was one of the bad things about being an only child—she wasn’t used to getting her way and she wasn’t used to having to say she was sorry, even when she was wrong. This time, though, it was necessary. She knew how horrible it felt to have her heart broken—if Levi ever liked her half as much as she liked to think he had, their breakup was no walk in the park for him either. He deserved an apology for the whole thing as much as she did.

Juliet sighed and put a hand on his chest, tangling her fingers in his shirt for a moment before leaning in toward him and pressing her mouth to his as she’d been waiting to do all evening. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea—they hadn’t even gone out on their date yet and she was already busy skipping steps, but she couldn’t help it. She had never been the best with spoken words, especially ones that had to do with her own feelings and this seemed like the best way to tell him exactly how she was feeling. After a moment, she pulled back, looking away from him, not wanting to see anything hinting toward his feelings on the subject flash in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she finally said, hoping that she hadn’t overstepped her boundaries too much by kissing him. She wanted to take things slowly—to take baby steps and then maybe they could get things at least sort of back to normal. Naturally, in true Juliet fashion, she skipped the baby steps and possibly messed things up more than could be fixed. “I shouldn’t have done that,” she said quietly, finally looking back at him one more time, biting her lip lightly. “I’m sorry,”[/color] she repeated. It was funny—she hardly ever apologized, but once she actually got the words out, she couldn’t stop saying it. Hopefully he wouldn’t be upset with her fir this, though, and no apologies would be necessary.

this is tagged to lizzzz! & it is complete. i've got about 1251 things to say to you. you can find the threads juliet is rocking right here. i've got to give a shout to me for graphics while those lyrics up there go to tswizzle, last kiss. oh! i can't forget i have to say; they really are. and i miss old dumbledore too! he was so awesome. but omfg, hp7 was so badass. i saw it again today with my brother.

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[leviticus van zandt.]

/ / / below the surface there levi was a pretty reasonable, stand-up guy, that version of himself tended to get lost in bitterness and heavy alcohol consumption, today he was too thankful for the second chance - and that it had been her idea - to feel the normal bitterness, and despite his nerves he'd refused to drink before this, that was counterproductive. very counterproductive, something he was slowly learning. with the alcohol he tended to blame the world for every fucked up thing or mild inconvenience that was placed before him, he had a distinct lack of person responsibility at those times. owning to what he did to her, realizing his mistakes with her, was something he'd only recently been able to fully admit to and acknowledge. he'd always felt bad about what happened it was one of the many factors that fueled his constant drinking but when they were on the outs, when she hated him and was a bitch to him it was easier to act like he was justified, if he was made at her it was harder to feel bad about being a total fuckfist to her. most could argue if she cared she would've understood, would've just toughed it out. maybe things would be different now if she had, but he thought maybe they'd just be worse off. plus he didn't blame her for moving on, because at the time that's all he wanted. he wanted to be left alone and he didn't want to push off his bitterness and depression on to the few people he really loved. he didn't really think about how he'd be hurting her by trying to help her, but he figured that would fade, sticking around while he was pitying himself that would last awhile. his depression would leak over to her and his friends eventually. he wished he hadn't have ever pushed her away, for the selfish reason and for the fact that it'd clearly gotten to them a little more then either would ever care to admit, or probably would ever admit. he'd told delilah more then once he was sorry for what he did and while her constant advice was to tell juliet he wasn't a feelings type, he didn't discuss emotions, then juliet never really wanted to talk to him and even if she had, he wasn't sure he'd have been able to properly explain without every single thing seeming like a lame excuse.

he shook his head at her protests, but holding to listen her words, his eyebrows knitting and he shook his head again, "i pushed everyone away. you, delilah, everyone. i shouldn't have but i did." granted delilah was a little more stubborn and refused to be pushed away, no matter what things he said, or just didn't say. he didn't blame juliet for not being there, because at the time he hadn't wanted her there. he didn't want the sympathy for one, he'd never been the kind of person that wanted someone to feel bad for him. it was why he'd mostly kept the way his mom acted as a secret, chose to remember the times before she would always be drunk and she'd sit on the couch and listen to him play his guitar, or she'd watch him pain, or just paint with him. having her die... that didn't change, a lot of things about him had changed, so many things had just gotten fucked up, but he still didn't want peoples sympathy. he hadn't wanted her to see him weak, it didn't matter that it was the most understandable thing in the world, he still hated it. at the time he wasn't thinking how much more he'd hate losing the only girl he'd ever loved and one of the few people who'd accepted him with all his faults, and he'd had a few back then. "don't apologize for things i fucked up. for something i caused. i didn't really give you a chance to be there, i wouldn't allow any visitors in the hospital and when i was with delilah's family.. i saw her every day and i hardly spoke to her. i didn't give anyone the chance to be there for me. i thought i had to figure it out on my own. and you know i thought.. i thought i was helping you guys out, why should yall have had to deal with my bullshit? my drama?" he'd always been the type to do for himself, even before he'd had no choice but to take care of himself. which meant he kept more then a little bit all bottle up inside, tucked away for only him to worry about, because it was easier and because he was no one elses responsibility. his mom's death was a heavy thing, and he had to stay strong for thisbe, he had to take care of thisbe, he didn't have the time to be coddled by juliet or delilah. he didn't want to have to give them that burden, he saw how his mom's death affected them, he didn't need to add his own grief on to it.

then the surprise came, her lips were on his and for a split second he was frozen, it didn't take long for her him to move one of his hands from her cheek and curl it into the blonde curls at the nape of her neck, and it felt like nothing ever changed between them, like this was just another day and this was just one of the many kisses that filled it. it was too soon when she pulled away and ths time he laughed at her apology, "how can you really act like i mind being kissed by you?" his eyes dropped to where she'd pulled her lip between her teeth before he smiled at her, "you really need to stop apologizing," he said before pulling her into another kiss, his hand still tangled in her hair and the other around her waist. this isn't quite how they imagined their evening going, but he wasn't exactly disappointed by this outcome.

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this post here is dedicated to juliet a.k.a the fantastico natalieeeee and it's complete. pretty much i've got about a lot things to say to you. levi is looking pretty fresh in these threads here, because i was way too lazy to polyvore. this template was inspired by the lovely miss kaye! those lyrics up there belong to all time low and juliet simms from their beautiful, amazing, heartbreaking song; remembering sunday, but right now i'm rocking out to stan walker "choose you". oh, i can't forget to say; i cried watching it. also this shouldn't have taken twenty years but i get so behind on my posts sometimes. o.o

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[julietdeveraux]

Maybe Juliet was being unreasonably hard on herself. It was true that after the fire, Levi hadn’t wanted much of anybody around. He pushed everyone away after that, though she could never really figure out why he wouldn’t want help. Then again, he was a guy, and guys weren’t usually particularly great with showing weakness, let alone accepting a helping hand. Of course, if Levi had wanted her to stick around, Juliet couldn’t even positively say that she would have stayed. Love was a tricky thing, after all, and though they’d never said those three little words to each other, it still freaked her out. The last time Juliet had been in a serious relationship she’d literally run for the hills when her boyfriend told her he loved her. It wasn’t something that she’d ever been good with, though. Juliet liked to think it was because she wasn’t cut out for relationships. She never liked to talk about feelings, she never liked to have girl talk or heart to hearts at slumber parties back when she was in middle and high school. Of course, it wasn’t that she wasn’t cut out for relationships, it was really that she was afraid of them. Relationships meant vulnerability, which terrified Juliet more than giant spiders and heights and the idea of getting stuck back in Greenville, Tennessee with a redneck baby daddy and a gigantic, lazy dog. The only time she had been truly vulnerable in the last couple of years was the time she’d been with Levi, and even then her guard had been up far much more than it should have been. That was why she ran the second he made it clear that he didn’t want her around. It was easier to run and build a wall up around herself that nobody could get through that stay and be even more emotionally open than she was before. She couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if she did stay, though. Would they have still been together? Would it have worked out through his rough patch? Who knew? That didn’t matter now, though, because everything was completely different now.

That was just it, though. Things really weren’t that different right at this moment than they had been back in the good parts of their relationship. It was almost like nothing had ever happened with them—that was how natural it was. It almost freaked her out a little bit, though Juliet wasn’t exactly thinking about how natural this all felt to her. She was more concerned with the fact that she was quickly realizing that her feelings for Levi had never really gone anywhere. It was far scarier to think that she was still in love with him than it was to think about how good it felt to be back with him. After suggesting that they go out on a date, Juliet quickly started to grasp that she certainly still had feelings for him, but she never thought that she would still love him after all this time. She probably shouldn’t have been so surprised—he was her first love, after all, and that kind of thing didn’t just disappear, even after a couple of years. Honestly, she should have known better. Delilah called this one years ago when Juliet and Levi had initially broken up and as much as Juliet hated to admit it, Delilah was always right.

“I could have stayed,” Juliet protested quietly. Even if he had pushed her away and done a great job at it, it didn’t stop her from feeling guilty. True, she never claimed she loved him—well, not out loud, anyway, but if she really did like him the way she thought she did, she knew she should have tried harder. Living life in the fast lane and remaining completely nonchalant about absolutely everything was fun until it caught up to her. “Because,” she said, furrowing her brow in objection. “I cared about you, I should have been there for you, even if you pushed me away. I should have tried harder instead of hating you. You didn’t deserve that.”

After temporarily losing her mind and kissing Levi despite the fact that they were in the middle of a serious conversation, Juliet sighed and looked away from him. Even though she heard what head said—she heard him tell her that she needed to stop apologizing, she couldn’t help but kick herself a little bit. She had resolved before leaving her apartment for their night out that she was going to take things slow. Even though she was probably going to want to, she wasn’t going to jump right into this headfirst, she wasn’t going to try and sleep with him or anything like that. Kissing him in lieu of finding proper words to express how she was feeling definitely couldn’t be classified under the “taking things slow” category. But, he wanted her to stop apologizing, so she would. Oh, that was weird—doing something just because Levi wanted her to. “Okay, okay. No more apologizes,” she sighed, leaning into him as he kissed her again. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

When they broke apart, Juliet blushed and smiled at him, laying her hand on his chest gently. Even though she desperately wanted to make sure she took things slow, mostly so they didn’t fuck up the way they did before, it did feel good to be completely open with him again. Well, she wasn’t even sure they’d ever been entirely open with each other in the first place. “So,” she paused, trailing off, unsure of exactly how to phrase her questions. What were they? Were they back together? Did he even want to get back together with her? Juliet pursed her lips for a moment in thought, wondering if it was wrong to push it with the questions. “What are we?” The curiosity was going to kill her, and they were going to have to talk about this eventually, anyway. They may as well get it out of the way now, even though it was a little bit of an awkward time. Usually this happened after the date—not before it. Hopefully Levi would be okay with talking about it now at least a little bit before Juliet’s mind went into severe overdrive and she started wondering about everything. Lord only knew she could overanalyze the teeniest little thing if she wanted to, and she knew she’d do exactly that the entire night if they didn’t talk about it a little bit. Though, Levi had never really been one for conversations like this… well, it was time to see how much that had changed.

this is tagged to lizzzz! & it is complete. i've got about 1118 things to say to you. you can find the threads juliet is rocking right here. i've got to give a shout to me for graphics while those lyrics up there go to tswizzle, last kiss. oh! i can't forget i have to say; really fast reply--sorry. i was going to give it more time, but i have loads of jules muse right now. xD