. / warm me up and breath me *

[aleksandra petrovsky]

quite, her house was actually quite. when you had a toddler it never ever seemed like it was quite. if she wasn't crying the tv was blaring some kind of mindless children's show that made aleks shake her head and seriously consider not allowing her to watch TV. she didn't remember the shows she watched as a kid being that bad, but maybe if she watched them again she'd be just as horrified now. though when she'd brought up with her aunt she'd laughed and shook her head and told her for the umpteenth time that she was a good mom but she didn't need to worry so much about everything. something that lilah had now begun to echo and all but kidnapped vasya whenever she had the chance so aleks and dom could have some time together, she was pretty sure it also made babysitting her little sister much, much easier since she spent most of her time rapt with vasya and treating her like a living doll. aleks was still surprised something she had so thought was going to ruin what she'd had with delilah and dom had actually in some ways made it stronger. they understood now why she was so tethered to taking care of lissa, it wasn't just devotion to the daughter of the aunt who had taken her in when her mother had kicked her out, they knew she was taking care of her child. trying to be a good mom and a good friend and a good girlfriend all at once. she felt better not having this big huge lie hanging over her all the time and having to lie to them a little more everyday to keep it going. it kind of felt like freedom, getting away from chicago had felt like breaking a tether holding her in her memories and depression, having lissa broke another, being able to go to school and have friends and be alone with a guy without feeling freaked out were more tethers that snapped and further released the hold her rapist still had on her. she knew she could never expect to be fully free, as much as she hated it finding traits in lissa that didn't belong to her family and just seeing her period threw her back. she could feel his hands all over her again but it was easier to squelch now, she hadn't felt anything like that when she'd first held lissa. she was in too much shock and she was surprised how suddenly the gravity had changed in her life, lissa was what pinned her in place then and she couldn't even think about what had happened to her as she had cried and held lissa tight to her chest. it was a slow developing thing and even slower to fade. she'd gained so much strength since moving here, snatched at more and more as she'd been able to talk to people, when she'd become attached at the hip to delilah and then when she'd been able to be comfortable around jayden and dominic, speak to them without having to be coaxed by lilah. then she'd been able to hang out with dominic by herself and for once with anyone she'd felt safe again, calm and things didn't come back to haunt her.

which wasn't to say she still didn't have her flashbacks when she was with dominic, he'd grab her arm without thinking and she'd tense up. maybe he'd come up behind her, not even touching her but she'd not been expecting it and it scared her. it made her sick to think him capable of harming her, or even to think about him and that man in the same sentence. kissing presented a problem here and there, she'd been freaked out their first kiss and she'd tried to hide it she was pretty sure that the rush of hormones and excitement it produced made it easier to stay in the moment with his lips softly brushing hers, instead of the violence and harshness she'd last had. she was more comfortable now, quick kisses didn't bother any longer, though when they'd both let their self-control slip here and there and the kisses got more intense and she could feel it, a little bit of panic stole it's way into her gut. it has hard to ignore but she tries to push through it and could make it until his grip tightened fractionally or his hand brushed the wrong spot and she quickly tried to end the kiss without making it seem like she was scared or he'd done anything wrong, but that she'd just become breathless or even just saying she was worried about things going too fast. if she were back home and she hadn't been raped and they were dating she'd have had him naked before the first week, she had loved sex, it felt good and she was good at it, she didn't see the problem. though after her rape it was hard to imagine having sex again, it very nearly seemed impossible. she felt bad for dominic because she knew it was hard, even through her panic and fear she could still feel a little bit of her body wanting to respond the way it was used to. honestly she was frustrated enough herself and could admit that she was horny too, she knew her libido was still nothing compared to a guys and it had to be that much worse for dominic even though he had never rushed her and he'd seemed fine with waiting. since getting the lissa discussion out of the way she'd felt even stronger, like she could handle more, having sex with him didn't seem as impossible now as it had even six months ago. still she was pretty sure it wouldn't happen anytime too soon.

a part of her was still treading lightly where he was concerned, it had been nearly two months since she'd been able to tell him about vasilisa being her daughter but there was still a part of her that was worried it hadn't fully sunken in or something would hit him and he'd realize he didn't want this. didn't want to be with a girl that had a kid, that couldn't devote all of her time to him though delilah was making sure that they'd gotten more time together while still managing to keep jayden well attended to. she wouldn't have blamed him if he wanted to, sure, she'd be probably be super depressed but she wouldn't blame him. it was a big thing, having a girlfriend with a kid. especially when you knew that before she'd gotten pregnant she hadn't been all that modest - thank you aris for dropping that bomb before she'd been ready to go into that. even though both him and delilah skillfully avoided asking about lissa's father she knew they wondered, especially dom knowing what arissana had told him. outside looking in she just seemed like another teenager who couldn't keep it in her pants and wasn't even smart enough to be protected and now that she'd popped her kid out she'd done the stereotypical turn over a new leaf thing, move to a different town and just try to do for her child. it was the making of a beautiful hallmark movie, minus the fact that aleks wasn't turning over a new leaf to turn over a new leaf an she may have been a whore back then but it wasn't the direct cause of lissa even though she'd pretty much screamed "i'm easy" the way she looked that night - not to mention how nicely luc had thrown her under the bus out of jealousy over some stupid, tiny thing she could hardly remember now.

aleksandra shook her head, the still wet tips of her hair stinging her face, she didn't need to be thinking about any of this. it was the past and dominic wasn't breaking up with her today because of it and she was just going to enjoy their alone time today. even with delilah's help it was still a precious commodity. all she had to do now was finish blow drying her hair so she could change out of her pajamas and maybe attempt a little make up if she was feeling up to it. her routine now took no longer then twenty minutes back in chicago it would have taken her at least an hour just to do her hair, thirty more minutes for extensive make up and who knows how long to find the perfect outfit. she rarely had the time to do much of that anymore and she'd learned quickly that if she got some mascara and chapstick on she was doing good. once her hair was dry and didn't look completely frizzy she pushed it over her shoulder and flitted across her tiny room dodging a couple of lissa's toys and reached into her closets, she reached for black tank top and a white baggy, off the shoulder shirt and a denim skirt then was a little shorter then she liked them now but delilah had bought it for her because she wouldn't. she eyed it for a moment, picking imaginary lint off of it before she put it back in the closet, reached for jeans and changed her mind again and reached for the skirt, she could wear leggings or tights under it if it was all that uncomfortable. ditching the pajamas she'd thrown on after her shower she put the shirts one and pulled the skirt up over her hips, she crossed the hallway quickly pulling the door closed so she could look in the full length mirror, she frowned for a moment and decided she was totally opting for the tights under it. skipping back to her room, she hummed a little, a lullaby that was always stuck in her head after oksana sang it to lissa, she dug through her drawers and was starting to pull on the lace patterned leggings when she heard the knock on the door, she tossed a distressed look to her clock, he would be on time when i'm running late. she muttered before she hopped over to her door, come on in, i'm back here! she yelled as she shimmied into the tights and she remember why she'd always opted for leggings because the this nylon was true to it's name. she let out a sigh, tugging down her skirt as he walked in and a smile spread across her face, hey, she said almost a little breathless as ran a hand through her hair, time got away from me and you were super on time, she said walking across the space and draping her arms around his neck looking up at him, never do that again, okay? she teased, laughing a little before stretched up to give him a light kiss, you know, she began when she pulled away, we're going to be spending all this time together now and realize we hate each other. another chuckle tumbled from her lips, as she stared up at him.

who i'm hanging with, dominic benjamin rhyder . word count, too many . credits, i think it's well known that apart from you liz is the only one with any real photoshop talent and i love to exploit it because i'm too lazy to learn again . lyrics, a fine frenzy – swan song . status, dunzooo . notes, i was glad to work on this after all the itchiness i'd had with her catalogs. lol. longer then i expected so fail at me. pretend it's like 700 words shorter. hehe.

[dominic calias]

- - To say he was excited was definitely an understatement, getting to spend an uninterrupted afternoon with his girlfriend was pretty rare, and one without lissa, rarer still. He’d never minded the addition of the toddler to their dates, okay.. that was a lie, sometimes in his more selfish moments he did mind, just a little, but for the most part, he was cool with it, more cool than any hormone charged teenage boy really should be. He wouldn’t lie, given the option, he’d prefer to have aleks all to himself, but obviously sharing her was infinitely better than not getting to spend time with her at all. At least that was what he consoled himself with in those said selfish moments, which tended to be when she’d have to pull back from a kiss because lissa was upset, or just demanding her undivided attention. Hardly fair since she got the loins share in the first place. Yes, he was jealous of a two year old . But he didn’t have to worry about that today, today he was getting her all to himself, and he was going to enjoy their alone time as much as he possibly could. Just thinking about it brought a smile to his lips as he wandered from his room toward the kitchen, and distracted him enough to leave him completely open to attack, it was not the kind of household were you could relax your guard, even for a moment, which was definitely one of the things he missed about being and only child, one of the few things. He was very happy with his life here in hollow creek, even if it did rain ninety percent of the time. “ save it for the boyfriend wont you..” he grumbled, rubbing his arm as he sat up, a smirk slipping across his face at the look that flickered across her face, “ .. unlike me, he probably enjoys getting tackled to the ground by you..” he added cheekily as he jumped back up, earning him a swift clip to the ear from his dad who had appeared randomly out of nowhere, “ what? Its true..” he protested, backing out of reach as he did so in hopes of avoiding anymore acts of violence, his father merely sighed and turned toward the fridge. One eye still on his dad who was still rummaging through the fridge he glanced briefly down at the clock on his phone, there was still a long way to go before the prearranged time that he’d made with aleks, but he didn’t figure a few minutes… or thirty would hurt much would it? they hadn’t made solid plans but they most likely were just going to stay in, which he wasn’t complaining about, so its not like she’d be in the middle of those elaborate getting ready sessions that girls liked to have. Still, he decided to walk instead of ride or sweet talk a lift out of thursday or his dad like he had been planning to, that would eat up a little more time, so at least he wouldn’t be arriving too much ahead of schedule. Shoving his phone back into the pocket of his jeans he grabbed the cupcake his dad had was just about to take a bite of and quickly made for the door, laughing unremorsefully as he descended the steps at his disgruntled shout when he realized it had been the last one.

- -It been months now, months, since she had told him. If it hadn’t fully registered by now, he had to wonder whether it was ever going to. But he wasn’t complaining, he didn’t want things to change, he didn’t want the way her looked at her, the way he felt about her, to change. Sure he was just as surprised as aleks and most likely delilah and jay that finding out hadn’t triggered that innate flight reflex, boys his age weren’t this understanding, hell, he was sure it was something that grown men would have trouble dealing with. It was a lot to take in certainly, and maybe he was still in denial about it, this had occurred to him too, when he looked at aleks, he didn’t see lissas mother, he just saw aleks, his girlfriend and the love of his life. Sighing he shook his head, brushing the thoughts aside as turned the corner at the end of the block and made his way down a empty side street. It was stuff like fhat he avoided dwelling on, because that only led to other things, like what aris had told him awhile back, about her past, about her being promiscuous, it certainly tied in beautifully with her having a baby at sixteen and all, but he couldn’t picture her in that respect , the aleks he knew was sweet, shy, demure, she wasn’t this bitchy, slutty picture that aris painted. That didn’t mean it was true, and it didn’t mean it wasn’t true, he should talk to her about it, he knew he should, but there really never seemed to be a suitable time and place with the scarce time they got alone, not there ever really was a suitable time and place for a talk like that. But there he was dwelling again..

- -Walking up the path to her front door her back, and upon hearing her call out pushed the door open, and stepped inside. It was so quiet compared to his house, but then, that was probably due to the absence of one energetic toddler, who, if she wasn’t making noise herself was creating it through the many noising making toys that she had. Making his way up to her room he pulled a smile across his lips, one that still managed to brighten considerably when he came through the door and spotted her, letting his hands rest gently at her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck he grinned, “I’d say I was just trying to get away from tizz, but we both know I was just impatient to see you ” he said, meeting her kiss, at her words he shook his head, “impossible. ” he said simply, pulling her closer to him, “well.. ” he added after a moment, mouth tipping, “ on my end at least, ” he shrugged, not wanting to think about that scenario, “ so…” he began, kissing her briefly before pulling back and offering a smile, “ what do you want to do? Go out? Stay in? watch a movie? ” he asked, one hand resting in the small of her back while he reached up to brush her hair back, “ personally I’d prefer to stay right here and kiss you for the afternoon, but its up to you.. ” he told her, grinning.

[/size][/color]



tagged , aleks / dani
status , beyond late
words , 1137
clothes , clickk
comments , ive outdone myself this time. its almost been a month this time. fail.
currently , posting this shizz. [/BLOCKQUOTE][/BLOCKQUOTE][/justify]

[aleksandra petrovsky]

aleks knew she'd never be able to forget but it was days like this were she could sincerely feel like she was a normal teenager who didn't have a kid, who hadn't been raped, who just led this completely blissful life her aunt wasn't someone who'd just taken her in and hollow creek had been her home forever, she'd been best friends with delilah and dom her whole life, jayden had always been there to look out for her like he'd done for lilah. it was a cheesy sort of fantasy but it was a nice change of pace from the thoughts that normally tormented her, they were some of the few things that could keep her completely sucked into the present and see the blessings of what she had here. without her past, she'd not have lissa, without her past she wouldn't be here at all, she wouldn't have lilah, dom or jay. hell she wouldn't even appreciate the time she got to spend with dominic as much as she did now, because she'd never know what it was like to be strapped for time. some days were harder then others to pick at the good points and blow them up until they filled all corners of her mind, but today the little alone time she'd had before he stepped through her door his little healing bubble surrounding her, taking the storm of fear and pain from her had made it easier to see those things. the only thing emotions that that tumbled through her as his arms rested on her waist was excitement and love, not even the vaguest undercurrent of fear which seemed to just be her primary emotion half the time. she grinned at his words, her fingers running through the short hairs at his neck, knowing it was the silliest little grin on her face but she couldn't help it when he said things like that, as it should be, she teased trying to make for how obviously and pathetically excited she was he had been straight up on time, were i ready like a half hour ago i probably would've called you to come over early. she admitted with a shrug like it was no big deal, catching his gaze and grinning wider. back home she never imagine being able to feel this good, shit, when she firs moved here she never imagined being able to feel this good. before that though she'd always seen falling in love as completely cheesy and she had her moments where she reverted, she'd say something that sounded like it was straight from a chick flick, and she'd want to shake her head at how pathetic she sounded. she'd have to tell herself that it was something that was just going to pass, fade into the background become on of those high school memories you looked back on and it made you smile but it was simply that; a memory.

just look at her parents, they were engaged, married and had aleks before they were out of high school - and they'd done it in the proper "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a bay carriage" sort of way. she wasn't really sure how much of it was because they were genuinely in love or how much of it was aleks' grandparents who had done pretty much the same thing when they were younger then aleks' mom and dad. her grandparents were still together but her parents had split up propelling the move to chicago so maybe she shouldn't have gone to her parents example on how love and matrimony went, especially since she felt hardly mature enough to look after a child let alone be married. sure in her cheesy moments she imagined her and dom years down the line, married with a couple more kids, lissa calling him dad and never having to know he wasn't really. dom would know what happened and she wouldn't be afraid anymore, she'd never wake up with nightmares again, and he'd always be there to protect her. she normally felt foolish after these kind of reveries, she'd blush a deep scarlet and recall that high school love didn't really work out. that there was a pretty good chance dominic didn't feel as strongly for her as she liked to think, that he'd freak out if he ever knew she envisioned that kind of future. aleksandra was pretty sure that after all he'd hung through now that there was a bigger chance that maybe he had those moments where his mind would run away with him. she wondered if when he was over and lissa would cry for him if it scared him or made him as secretly giddy as it did her or when he'd have to tell lissa good night over the phone or she refused to sleep. was it really that far fetched to imagine him as being lissa's dad later on? of course. they were way too young. they knew what they felt, they knew they loved each other but they weren't that deep in it. it was impossible, right? his retort tied in perfectly to her embarrassing thoughts and she held his gaze for a moment before she shook her head, not on my end either... ever she tacked on in her head. yeah, they were too young to seem that serious but in a lot of ways aleks was older then most girls her age and dom... dom was just as mature, probably more. the way he took to the whole thing, it was more then just the natural pliancy he said it was. for jayden and delilah this kind of talk would probably be too serious but for dominic and aleks maybe it was all right. they weren't your average teenagers, she liked to tease him about being more middle aged everyday.

maybe they were both being silly. thinking themselves deeper and more mature then they really were. who knew? all that was important was that they knew, that they were doing what was right for them, that they were enjoying the times they had right here and now. as his lips pressed to hers, it was easy to devote herself to the moment, the right now, she could ignore any doubts and her mind could happily run away with visions of them together forever completely unchecked. she considered his question for a moment, a smile trailing her lips as she went over the options, it'd be nice to make it through a movie for once without a toy being thrown at the tv or me having to stop to feed lissa a thought that brought a blush to her cheeks because even though she'd been trying to get lis to go for a bottle, more often then not she had to take her back to their shared room so the stubborn little girl could breastfeed, but i'm totally pulling for the making out thing. she finished after her split second pause, she couldn't help the giggle before she moved to her tip toes and brought her lips to his, her fingers twisting lightly in his hair, before she pulled away, slightly breathless as she rested her hands on his shoulder, her sea-green eyes catching his and another ridiculous kid on christmas morning smile coming across her face, yeah, i really think this making out all afternoon is a great idea. she said tilting her head a little and smiling up at him before she met him in another kiss, she knew she shouldn't push herself too much like this, but it was one of those days she felt a little invincible, she was mellow today, she hadn't had any nightmares, dominic always seemed to calm her down anyways she just wanted to act like everything was normal, she wanted her balls back. her fingers slipped under the collar of the black cardigan he wore, and she pushed it off of his shoulders a little pulling back from him with a laugh, good lord, take that off you're making me hot. she teased, fully aware of the double meaning of her words and the flirty tone that saw little use since she'd moved here, still she'd maintain completely that she was referring simply to the temperature, the house relied on a few fans for cooling and they were having an unusually warm day.

who i'm hanging with, dominic benjamin rhyder . word count, 1404 . credits, liz for the banner, myself for the template . lyrics, a fine frenzy – swan song . status, done . notes, hahaha, don't worry about it. i had gotten it up sooner then i had intended anyways. lmk if the font color is too light. :D

[dominic calias]

- - “ its shame you weren’t, we don’t get nearly enough time just like this.. ” he responded, only slightly disappointed, as he took in the smile that had stretched across her perfect lips. He loved her smile, loved her smiles, all of them, from the goofy ones, to the sappy ones, and even the sweet but smug ones that appeared on her face after insulting him in some way. But then, he loved her, full stop. It was a little bit amazing knowing that didn’t freak him out, didn’t make him all edgy or nervous or flighty, given he was like a thirty year old trapped in a fifteen year olds body, it shouldn’t have felt so easy, so natural, so comfortable to say that about his girlfriend of just over a year, to even think it. He was sure it went against whatever unwritten laws there were about age, and love, and how in love you could actually be when you weren’t even legal yet. It all felt a little silly, why should they let things like age determine the way they felt about each other? Nothing less than love would have allowed him to embrace the fact that she had kid to some guy he didn’t know, had never met, and not feel in the least insecure about it. Curious naturally, but not insecure, if the guy meant anything to aleks then she wouldn’t have moved so far away, if she’d meant anything to him than he would have turned up long before now, would have wanted to be in his daughters life, right? In fact, in his more insane, thirty not fifteen year old moments, he’d kind of imagined himself as her dad, and it was all packed lunches, scraped knees and Hannah Montana Band-Aids, ballet recitals and school plays, trips to the principles office after she’d beat up a boy who pulled her hair, and of course, teaching her about all boys having cooties. And of course, in his more insane moments he kept well clear of all the practical things, like him still being a fifteen year old boy living with his dad and step family, none of which were excessively wealthy, meaning he was hardly in a situation where he could support her, financially and otherwise, and he wouldn’t be for a long time yet. He still had to graduate, and then there was college, and… yeah, it was all a little daunting when you looked at it from that perspective. Which is why his brain conveniently skipped over that, jumping straight ahead to the being married part, the big house and a couple more kids part, because it sounded just about perfect. Was it completely naïve of him to think that he’d found ‘the one’ when he hadn’t even made it out of high school? Of course it was, but dominic had always been by nature an optimist, as well as a complete romantic. Happily ever after had never seemed out of reach to him, kind of amazing considering that he hadn’t had the easiest childhood in the world, at least the part before coming here, but perhaps that how he had managed to come out of it so happy, so well adjusted. By always being able to look at the glass half full even when everything about the situation screamed half empty.

- - “ so glad you agree… ” he responded, his voice a little husky, before meeting her kiss. Her words coupled the way she’d pushed the collar of his cardigan back made him pause, his mind for once responding like a normal teenage boys should, taking the flirty undertone and running with it, running much too far with it. Which was something he generally tried to avoid letting it do, sex was something that already sprung to mind far too often, it hardly needed any encouragement, especially from her. Composing himself he smiled, “ if you insist… ” he responded, blue eyes glimmering, his voice almost making it to nonchalant, but not quite. Letting go of her briefly he shrugged the cardigan off and tossed down on the bed, before pulling her back towards him and catching her in a kiss, a hungrier kiss than before, the type that she usually would have pulled away from by now, generally under the pretense of needing to catch her breath again, though sometimes he swore he’d catch the faintest flicker of panic on her eyes. He’d never pushed it, figuring she was just experiencing the same nervousness that came with inexperience that he did, and he was completely cool with it… okay maybe not completely, but mostly, enough to easily pull back when and if he needed to. Obviously that wasn’t the case, he knew that now, knew that her hesitation was for an entirely different reason. To be honest, it was tiny bit intimidating, being the virgin in the relationship, something that hadn’t bothered him as much when he’d assumed that she was too, but now that he knew better, it did worry him a little bit. He was a little bit shocked that she hadn’t put the brakes on yet, and while he was insanely encouraged by that, with every y chromosome fueled instinct pulling for seeing just how far he could take it, he didn’t want to ruin it, not now, not today when things were going so well. “ I think I’ve changed my mind.. ” he began breathlessly, smiling tenderly as he cupped her face and ran his thumb gently down her flushed cheek, trying not to get distracted by just how incredibly beautiful she looked just now, “ any more of this and I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself..” he added, grinning a little sheepishly.

[/size][/color]

tagged , aleks / dani
status , beyond late
words , ehh
clothes , clickk
comments , a whole lot of nothing really -.-.. it'll take us a year to get through this thread at this rate. sorry x infinity, ily for being so amazingly patient.
[/BLOCKQUOTE][/BLOCKQUOTE][/justify]

[aleksandra petrovsky]

the teen nodded, she felt less bad about it now, mostly because she wasn't lying about lissa anymore, they really understood why she couldn't get away from "babysitting" because they knew it was parenting now. it didn't mean she still wasn't upset over it because she really was, she wanted a normal life, she wanted to be able to go out on a friday nigh and not have to worry about who was going to take care of her child. or make last minute plans to go see a movie or hang out at the park or anything like that. she loved lissa more then anything in the world and she wouldn't trade being a mom for anything because she may have been too young but it was one of the greatest things she had ever experienced but she still longed to be as carefree as delilah. yeah, she and jay had to juggle time a little with his soccer and her ridiculous amount of ECA's but if they wanted to take a day to just screw around they pretty much could. at least we have it now though, that's what matters. you made do with what you were given, they both wanted more time just them, how could they not, really? it's just the kind of sacrifices you had to make when you loved someone, though she wasn't sure how fair she was being asking him to make this kind of sacrifice. she never planned on lissa - but what teen mother did - it wasn't just her being irresponsible and horny, she loved it and she wouldn't go back and change it but it's what it was, she had no choice. dom, he had a choice. he could back out and she wouldn't blame him or be mad at him, the fact he wasn't and he hadn't.... it really had made her more giddy then you can imagine, it kind of solidified the fact that they were in love, really. not the kind of in love she'd seen countless of her friend go through, where it was all butterflies and fireworks until something shinier came along and you were back in love with the first person you say. she'd done it before, been totally convinced this was going to be an epic romance and less then a few days later they'd both moved on to the next person. aleks didn't want theit to be a next person and that should've scared her, but it felt right, it sat comfortably with her. she could even see him feeling that way, sticking around after finding out your girlfriend had a kid by some random guy you didn't know and then finding out she'd been a total slut, that was.... that was really enough to give her faith that maybe they'd be the exception to the rule that teenagers didn't know what love was. there was a lot of the in the middle she skipped, like college and money and basically all the important things that you did have to worry about and she'd easily flash forwarded to them all settled with their little family. she might've felt silly for it, like every other teenage girl who thought she was in love or anyone going through their first love but she felt the real possibility in it all. even if know their biggest hurdle was just finding the time to hang out. if delilah had her way i'm pretty sure she'd kidnap lissa every chance she got, really. she said with a chuckle as she drew her arms around his neck, studying his face for a moment, and it's better then it used to be...

how could i not? she asked with an impish grin, it was definitely one of the activities they didn't get to spend a lot of time on, because there was always lissa or they were at school or there was a chance of them being interrupted, not even to mention the tendency of things to get a little too far and she'd get weirded out, flashbacks would hit her and she to find a way to pull back without looking like there was something wrong. she saw that he'd caught the double edge to her words, and like most boys she could see the wheels turning in his head, it was a statement that was pretty much designed to addle any boys brain, even if she'd meant it mostly innocently. it was true though, when you looked at someone walking around in long sleeves when it was hot it made you hotter, that was the defense she was ready with. she nodded at his words, i do... she said with a brief chuckle, one that thankfully didn't leech any nerves into it, because she'd opened a door and she kind of knew it. felt it clearly as he pulled her back to him, the arm around her waist a little tighter and the kiss a little needier and it did wonderful things to her stomach, she felt the urge to tense up on him, but she could remind herself easily that this was dom and she was safe and she really, really wanted this. it had been a long time since she'd been able to think about getting a really good intense make out session going, it's be the first time it was someone who really mattered too, where even the lightest kiss as they parted for class made her stomach tumble and her cheeks heat. she was just going to push through the fear, she knew she could, even as she felt her chest tighten a little, she just had to remind herself to breath and that she was safe because she was with dominic. and it was really working, for once she was beginning to really reach breathless not the kind she feigned to have an excuse to pull back because she'd gotten scared. this was probably the wrong way to push herself, she knew she probably should've taken it slower, but it felt like a good day, or whatever it was in the air that made today different she was just going to make it mean it was a good day. she was more proud of herself then you could imagine when he pulled away first, she felt the smile turn up her lips and it was more then just the kind of glow she always felt when he was around her, her breath was shallow to matching his quickness and she could feel her pulse keep it's heightened steady rhythm. she couldn't help the little blush that had stained her cheek at his words.

she dropped her gaze from his for a moment, chewing on her lip for a moment, before she turned her gaze back up to his, that's what she really wanted. she wanted to forget about self-control for a little while, she wanted the old recklessness back. she wanted him. and now she felt nerves. i... she paused, trying to banish the blush and the nerves that were tickling her insides. she'd never had to ask for sex, she'd never been asked for sex either, it'd always just happened, no are-you-sures or do-you-really-want-tos, she'd never even been nervous about it, even her first time but copious amounts of alcohol kind of did that to you. these were what she imagined first time nerves were supposed to be like and if she looked at it, it was kind of like another first time. first time since she'd been raped, since she'd had lissa, first time as a new person, first time it would mean something... first time she was in love, first time someone was in love with her. her teeth returned to her lip before she flicked her eyes back to his, i want to, she said with a little more strength then she'd felt in a long time. if you want to. which might not have been the proper wording since what guy didn't really want to? we've been dating for almost a year and i... her lips pulled up into a smile, i don't know if i could feel any more right about us then i already do. she said pulling her lower lip into her teeth again.

who i'm hanging with, dominic benjamin rhyder . word count, 1381 . credits, liz for the banner, myself for the template . lyrics, a fine frenzy – swan song . status, done . notes, lol it's cool. don't even trip about it. :)

[dominic calias]

- -
------He just stared at her, too surprised at first to have a hope of covering it, or play it off like it wasn’t so completely left field of where he’d been expecting the afternoon to head, because in all honestly, it was. A decent make out session, or two, that’s all he’d expecting, the chance to have all one hundred percent of her attention for more than a few minutes, without it being dragged away by lissa, or the million other things that girls seemed to worry fruitlessly about, that was the sum total. Sex hadn’t even registered, hadn’t even got a look in, and why would it? They’d been dating for awhile now, and physically the progression in their relationship had been fairy tentative, almost non existent really, and while the hormonal teenage boy in him was low key frustrated with that, the patient understanding and completely selfless part knew that it was probably for the best, no need to jump into things before they were ready, no need to ruin things when they had a whole lifetime ahead of them. Because yeah… he’d always viewed their relationship as being long term, and not in the silly melodramatic way that most teenagers do with their first love either. When he thought about the future, his future, he automatically included her in it, completely and unthinkingly, more like a reflex than a conscious action, there she was, in his mind, at twenty, thirty, forty… eighty still looking beautiful, radiant, breathtaking. She was going to make an amazing wife, the way she was with her daughter was proof of that, and nothing made him happier than the thought of spending the rest of his life with her, coming home to her after a long day at work, kissing her and asking her about her day, protecting her, providing for her…. Of course, these were the kind of things he kept to himself, sure that anyone else would think he’d legit lost his mind, he was young, too young, way too young to be considering tying himself down so concretely, right?

------It took him a solid few minutes to get shake himself out of the initial shock, though he was still moving through the secondary stages, but pulling a smile across his lips regardless, lest she misinterpret his hesitation, and read something into it that he’d never intended, as was the habit of most girls. But then, she knew him pretty well, knew his past, or most of it, would have realized that he wasn’t exactly ‘experienced’ with these things, so who could blame him from mentally panicking just a little bit? How many times had he thought about this moment? Had pictured how he’d react, what he’d say, naturally he would take it in his stride, smile dazzlingly, sweep her off her feet and carry her to the bed, yeah, that sounded so good in theory, but right now? he was just…. Well, he was just standing there. Pathetic. He’d been all for pushing things not ten seconds ago, all for seeing how far she’d let him take it, and now he decided to wimp out, to let all those stupid little insecurities get the best of him? Now that she was pretty much said, ‘okay, lets have sex’ “are you sure?” he asked, gazing down at her hesitantly, as though expecting her to laugh and go ‘april fools’ or something. But he had remind himself that this was aleks, she wouldn’t bait him like that, he shouldn’t be that skeptical. She didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to, the kiss said it all, and for a moment he was able to forget about all his indecision, his worries, to let his body take over, let the instincts that he was constantly repressing to take control, to phase everything out except her lips against his, her warm skin beneath this hands, the way her body was curved against him, letting his lips drop from her mouth he pressed them to the base of her throat, smiling against her skin at the pleasing sound that tumbled from her lips, lips that he’d soon captured again with his own.

------He let his hands drop to the hem of her shirt now, pushing it up experimentally, a little at first, and then when she didn’t make any move to stop him, further. It wasn’t until his fingertips had reached her bra that she tensed a little, abruptly, he pulled back, cupping her face in both hands he gazed down at her intently, “aleks.. if you want to stop… ” he paused, almost reluctant, “..we don’t have to do this right now.. I can- we can wait…” he told her, letting his thumb brush across her warm cheek.

this is tagged to aleks / danii & it is done , and i've got about not enough. things to say to you. you can find the threads i'm rocking right here . i've got to give a shout to supermuse for the sexy template, alica keys for lyrics . oh! i can't forget i have to say ; quality over quantity? its way on the short side, sorry about that. totes powerplayed at the end there, hope thats alright.

[aleksandra petrovsky]

if she weren't already so nervous, before he'd said yes or no, she might have been able to laugh at him, she couldn't blame him for being a little shocked, after all these months of one just barely getting any alone time and two when they did her always finding some reason to stop him when things were going a little too fast, all of with he'd been incredibly patient with. more patient then she could've really asked for, most guys wouldn't have been so understanding as she pulled away so frequently or swallowed whatever excuse there had been for it, most guys wouldn't have been tentative enough to pull away before she did when they did something that was a little more then they were used to. dominic did all that, he probably shouldn't have been able to, most guys just kept pushing up until the girl pushed them away, none of them made pre-emptive strikes and suggesting they took a minute or watched a movie. she wasn't surprised that he seemed a little shocked, she was a little shocked, she'd known for awhile now that she really wanted to, it had been a long time since she had but more importantly she hadn't since she'd been raped, it kind of freaked her out going back there, especially when she hadn't ever really dealt with it, no one knew what had happened to her. even her aunt. it was safe to say that most people probably wouldn't believe it anyways. as much as she wanted to believe that it wasn't going to affect her it already had, had it not happened there was a pretty good chance they already would've finally moved past making out and on to definitely more satisfying ends. she'd always kind of wanted to, but at the same time she'd always known it wasn't going to be easy, she figured the more time they put into waiting the less freaked out she would be and maybe it's be just as easy as it had always been to her, she knew time did a lot. if he'd kissed her the first time anything at all like they were kissing earlier today she would've freaked out, but all she had needed was time to ease back into that kind of activity, to feel safe with him and to trust him. they would have a lot of time anyway. or at least that's how she'd always imagined it, she really saw them being together ten, twenty, thirty years from now. she wasn't really going to admit it to anyone, because they would jus think she was another dumb kid who was thoroughly convinced they'd found the one when they'd barely gotten out of high school.

when he finally managed a smile she really did want to suppress a laugh, it was rare that he was speechless, it was rare that any of her friends were speechless, she'd surrounded herself with two of the biggest smartass' in the form of jay and lilah and dominic always seemed to keep up and none of them had ever been rendered speechless by her. it was another surge of pride and strength in her today. she understood his hesitation, though she may have seen it for the wrong reason, but she wasn't going to ask if it was of lissa, what that meant, what arissana had told him, which had been an awkward uncomfortable conversation for the both of them, one that she had kept brief with a simple, "she wasn't lying, i made some dumb choices. obviously." and they had moved on. arissana hadn't exaggerated either when she'd told them there had been a lot of guys and the other way around she might have been nervous about going there to. even so she could feel more nerves perk up in her stomach, what had she just done? when his mouth finally moved she grinned at his words, he would know to ask, and instead of just nodding or saying yes she returned to his tip toes and pulled his face down to hers, kissing him again like they'd been earlier before he pulled back, it was so easy to ignore any kind of nerves in her stomach now because she felt right about it, she knew this wasn't a mistake - not with him. she was safe with him and she'd been happy he asked and proud she'd been able to surprise him, it was a really good day. she moved her hands from his face so she could drape her arms around his shoulders and pull herself closer to him, the long since used hormones swirling familiarly in her stomach. she was breathless when he pulled his mouth away from hers and she kind of wanted to pout until she felt his lips at her throat, it may not have been her weakness but she could still appreciate it and she obviously did, letting out a soft moan before she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, until he brought his lips back to hers and she pulled lightly on his bottom lip.

she felt his hands go to her waist, his fingers brushing the skin at her hips and then higher, the bare skin tingling where his fingertips smoothed over it, she could feel a little of the panic steal into her, but she pushed it back as she laced her fingers into his hair, reminded herself that she could do this and nothing bad was going to happen. she could never imagine that he'd be able to hurt her, ever, that's what she needed to focus on. the panic still lutked, looking for a place to puncture her defenses and she could feel it get closer as his hands pushed higher up her torso, she tried to focus on the feel of his lips against hers though, which worked pretty well until she felt his fingers against the under wire of her bra and suddenly her stomach did a funny little drop thing and the panic pulled over her and she stiffened for a second before she tried to push it away, but like anytime he knew something was wrong and withdrew his hands immediately, pulling away from the kiss and cupping her face. She tried to catch her breath a little as he spoke, not sure how much of it was from the kissing or the brief spike of fear. she shook her head, glad that she'd felt all the fear was gone before she looked up at him, i don't want to stop, again she felt another surge in her strength but she wasn't sure if it was going to hold up further then being able to say it, she was getting a little frustrated with herself, really, she insisted with a smile, reaching up and stroking his cheek, before she kissed him softly moving her hands to the bottom of his shirt and pulling back from the kiss for a second she pulled it up over his head with a giggle, tossing it behind her so it landed on her bed with the cardigan, it wasn't a hard routine to slip back into, it felt different this time from times before, for the obvious and just because it really meant something, it wasn't fuelled by too much vodka or just plain old horniness, she let her hands drop to his lacing their fingers as she pulled him to the bed, pulling away from the kiss again to smile up at him and push him down lightly, the nerves she felt in her stomach as she straddled his lap had nothing to do with what had happened to her; it was because it was their first time it was kind of a big deal.

who i'm hanging with, dominic benjamin rhyder . word count, #### . credits, liz for the banner, myself for the template . lyrics, a fine frenzy – swan song . status, done . notes, i ramble on enough for the both of us don't you think? lmao. it's all good in the hooooood. :D basically i have no life once summer rolls around and my boyfriend is working so i got this done quick .

[dominic calias]

- -
------It didn’t matter how ridiculous he knew it sounded, but despite everything she said, and how wonderfully believable she’d seemed saying it, he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that she was only doing this because he wanted to, because she knew just how much he wanted to, and she didn’t want to end up the frigid girlfriend that he’d eventually get tired of waiting for, not that that would ever happen, but still, she was selfless enough to do something like that, easily, and coupled with the way that she stiffened briefly at his touch, so infinitesimal that anyone else probably would have missed it, it didn’t seem all that unrealistic. Its not like he could just chalk it up to her not being used to this either, if anything, she should be the one more comfortable with this whole situation, she was the one who’d been here before, many many times before, though he was trying hard not to think about that part, because like any guy, his mind had that natural affinity for making comparisons, for wondering uselessly how he would stack up against all the other guys she’d been with, uselessly because its not like he was ever actually going to ask, it wasn’t like him to be insecure, humble yes, but he’d never really doubted himself about anything. Sure, his ineptitude with sports bothered him a little, especially with a dad who’d been star quarterback, but it wasn’t even fair, with people like jay and tizz around anyone looked pretty hopeless. Still he was able to console himself with the fact that he was probably more intelligent than the pair of them combined.

------But sex, well that was a different story all together, it wasn’t something anyone wanted to be bad at, to be bested at, sure it was going to be first time, and it probably wasn’t going to be anything magnificent, at least on her end, but he couldn’t help but want it to be. Not that holding off would help that situation any, it wasn’t something you could really practice beforehand. He searched her face, looking for any sign that she was rethinking her decision, but then she was kissing him again, and pulling at his shirt, and it was surprisingly easily to forget about all that and just focus on the beautiful girl in front of him, and this seductive side of her he’d never really seen before. Sure, she drove him crazy every day, with even the subtlest of gestures, but that look in her eye right there, good lord, it took all his willpower to keep from ripping hers clothes off. He hesitated briefly when she pulled his hands from where he’d latched them to her waist, until he realized it was to pull him with her towards the bed, grinning into the kiss, he ignored fresh wave of nerves mixed with anticipation that curled in his stomach, thankful that she’d chosen to take the lead, and deciding quickly that her experience in this area wasn’t all together a bad thing, because at least one of them knew what they were doing. He couldn’t help the foolish grin that found its way onto his face as she lowered herself into his lap, or the impatience with which pulled her back into a kiss, pressing his lips to her own more forcefully then he normally did, and in a way that he avoided because it generally led to her pulling back long before he was ready. At this point had usual self control had ebbed considerably, making it hard to listen to the sensible part of his mind that knew he should take it slow, draw it out, let the moment last. Because they were going to remember this, his first time, and more importantly, their first time, another milestone in their relationship to go with first kiss, first date, first time they’d told either other ‘I love you’.

------finally surrendering to his need for oxygen he pulled reluctantly back from the kiss, his gaze sweeping tenderly across her face as she slowly opened her eyes and looked down at him, he smiled then, so happy in that moment there weren’t enough words to describe it, catching the hand she ran down his chest, he lifted it to his lips, kissing the inside of her wrist, before smiling up at her again, “am I the only one getting naked here? ” he teased, laughing lightly and running both hands down her legs, to the knee, before wrapping his hands around them and pulling her closer against him, at which point he was recovered enough to pull her back into another kiss, softer than the last, as his hands ran up the back of her legs again, pushing her skirt up further as he did so.

this is tagged to aleks / danii & it is done , and i've got about not enough. things to say to you. you can find the threads i'm rocking right here . i've got to give a shout to supermuse for the sexy template, alica keys for lyrics . oh! i can't forget i have to say ; which is fortunate, because this one isnt any longer, i figured it just take it to about the point where she freaks out?

[aleksandra petrovsky]

if she were being honest, there was part of her that actually truly found the idea of having sex again revolting. it wasn't a very big part, mostly because right now the long dormant hormones were rushing through her system but it was there. anytime she thought about having sex again all she could remember was the violence of her last encounter with it, the scratching, the bruises... it was the last thing she wanted to equate to dominic who had always been gentle about everything, slow and careful, who took the time to notice the things like when would barely tense as a hand went too high or too low. it wasn't fair that he had to notice those things, had to be ready to break it off at a moments notice. normal couples faced nerves, sure, but normal couples would have already worked through them, normal girlfriends didn't get freaked out when a kiss got to hard, a normal girlfriend wasn't afraid of her boyfriend for a split second because she was imaging herself back at a dingy parking lot carnival being raped. it wasn't fair to him, no matter how much he said he didn't mind that they were waiting, even once he'd learned that it hadn't been legitimate first time nerves keeping her, she still had to wonder if maybe he'd get fed up one day - it was unfair, she knew him better then that, but he was a new breed of guy for her, she didn't know what to expect from him all the time, he continued to surprise her with his selflessness. the selflessness that only made how selfish she felt - keeping him to herself when she probably should've broken up with him forever again so he could have a real relationship - twenty times worse. she loved him, more then anything in the world after lissa, the idea of letting him go just hurt... literally made her physically ill. why was why she tried not to consider it, why she'd kept lissa being her daughter a secret from him, because she was just really selfish. as much as she wanted this, there was another part of her - sitting happily with the completely repulsed part of her - that wasn't entirely sure that she could go through with it. considering it had taken her months to even feel completely normal with kissing, to finally stop imagining the roughness of a five o clock shadow. she tried to ignore it all now, pretend that there wasn't a past, there wasn't a future it was just them, right here and right now. this was important to her, this was more then just another step in finally getting all of herself back under her control, this was them finally taking the biggest step they could make in their relationship at this point in time. she loved him and this is what you did when you loved someone.

guys were too easily distracted when you waved something like this in her face and she was glad that dominic held true to that, she didn't need his eyes probing hers, studying her face the way he did and instantly knowing when she wasn't being completely truthful, it was always a plus to her, he knew when to pull her into a hug if she needed it and saw when to just let her keep lying because she really didn't want to deal with whatever it was. now, it would be inconvenient, because even now, so close to finally having sex together he would pull back, he would stop right there if he didn't think she was one hundred percent ready for it. trying to forget that she'd existed before this afternoon helped a little in pushing away the panic looming on the edge of her mind as she'd gotten into his lap, she felt the doubts that this ws going to work come back up but then his lips were on hers again and much like she'd done the same to distract him he was unwittingly distracting her from dwelling on the negatives swirling in her head. the kiss was forceful and hungry, pushing a fresh wave of hormones through her as she eagerly returned the kiss, glad that her body's normal reaction was overriding most of the fear the was waiting to wreak havoc again. she felt like she cold really do this as she pulled her body tighter to his, the longing for how easy this used to be making her forget to to be careful too, to hold herself back a little and keep up with keeping her head in the right place, half completely immersed in them and the other half pushing against the parts that were trying to ruin it. he pulled back first and both of them took uneven breaths, she tried to steady herself make up for her slip in control that could've derailed this. she returned his smile, it widening a little as a flutter of butterflies exploded in her stomach, this is what her first time should've been like. this is what she should've waited for.

aleks laughed at his question, shaking her head a little, she leaned forward kissing his chest above his heart and then his neck, impatient, are we? she returned with the same teasing tone, though honestly she wouldn't have blamed him if he were, this had taken long enough to roll around. she watched his hands move down her legs with a smile before she returned her attention back to his lips as they moved with hers again, less heated then the one before it but still a little more then they'd been used too, she smiled against his lips before the journey his hands were making along her legs pushed to the front of her mind, she felt the denim bunch against her legs, she felt the flutter of nerves in her stomach again and she pulled back gently, trying to smile down at him before she pulled her shirt over her head, a rather convenient way to cover for pulling away from fear. being this naked in front of him bothered her, mostly because she was conscious of the scar on her collar bone left by the man who raped her and the fading ones on her back from scraping against the floor, she pushed it away again and brought his face back to hers, shifting so she could move to lay down without breaking the kiss a move she wouldn't have quite been able to do without her previous experience. with his weight pressed against her she kind of regretted the move but again she tried shuffling it to the back just trying to focus on their kiss, on the good emotions that were buzzing through her system, trying to lean into his touch as she hitched her leg up around his waist and his hand curled around it once again, moving back up again like they had, this time.. this time it was too different with him hovering over her, and suddenly she was pinned against a dirty floor again, the heavy scent of cologne and rough hands moving over her body and she pulled back from him with a gasp, pushing at his hands and chest, stop! no! it was shocking how quickly her body reacted the way she had been trying to prevent it from, she felt hot tears move down her cheeks before she even got her words out and she sat up, sobbing, her heart pounding so loud it was a wonder he couldn't hear it, she felt her body shaking, and as much as she tried to repeat to herself that she was safe she couldn't quite make herself believe it. then she felt sick for even associating him with that, for being so messed up in the head she could get pulled back into that, i-i'm sorry... i thought... i thought i could, but i can't, i j-just can't. she finally managed through her tears as she pulled her knees to her chest. i sh-shouldn't have thought that i cou-

who i'm hanging with, dominic benjamin rhyder . word count, plenty . credits, liz for the banner, myself for the template . lyrics, a fine frenzy – swan song . status, done . notes, danielle has no life .

[dominic calias]

- -
------to her question he tilted her face up toward his, and raised a brow, “ really aleks, really? ” he asked, shaking his head a little at her, like she really needed to ask, this was his girlfriend and sex, of course he was impatient, though he really was doing his best to keep it in check, but it wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, not with all these hormones racing around, not to mention just how long he’d been waiting for the whole thing to happen, at least long for this day and age, where most people really didn’t think twice about having sex with someone they’d just met, and barely knew. not that he wouldn’t have waited longer, because he would have, when it came to aleks there really didn’t seem to be a situation that went past the limit of what he could take, of what he was willing to take, like really, where there many guys that could take the news about her kid, and her past in stride as well as he had? But he was good at compartmentalizing, and being objective, he considered the aleks that he’d come to know and the one that aris had described as two different people, because really, thats what they were, the only thing that tied her back to the life she led in Chicago was lissa . Then, a good part of it was how lucky he felt that a girl like her would even go out with him, that a girl as beautiful as her would even give him a second look, when he’d asked her out, in a rare insanely brave moment, and jokingly more than anything, he had never expected she’d say yes, he’d always thought of her as out of his league, though he’d kind of regarded every girl that way, but her most of all, smart, sweet, funny, not to mention older than him, why would she want to date him? But she did, amazingly, and more amazingly, still did, even after getting to know well enough to realize that his dorkiness was a solid part of his personality, and wasn’t going away anytime soon.

------he had to pause when she pulled the shirt over her head, because really, there weren’t very many times when he got to see this much skin, hollow creek didn’t really provide the best climate for going to the beach, and even when they did go it was usually him and jay who actually braved the cold water. It was kind of silly really, all things considered, because they were both going to be much more naked soon enough, but still, he couldn’t help taking a moment to let his gaze sweep appreciatively over her body, a moment that was cut short by her pulling him back into another kiss. Moving with her, he tried to prop himself up somewhat, so that he didn’t have all his weight on her, but he didn’t have a lot of upper body strength, nor a lot of a practice with it, so he didn’t manage so well. He leg wrapped around his waist, and taking that as a hint, he let his hand run up the back of it, pushing her skirt up like he had before. he knew something was wrong the moment she broke away from the kiss, her words cutting through the atmosphere between them in an instant, he almost fell off the bed in his haste to move off of her, teetering shakily on the edge before collapsing onto his back, and for a moment he just lay there, beside her, catching his , his brain moving a million miles and hour, to make sense of the whole situation. That hadn’t been nerves, that had been fear, there was no doubt in his mind now, there was no dismissing this like he had all the times before, where he’d sworn he saw a flicker of panic cross her face, so brief he figured that he was just imagining it. after all, why would she be scared, of him of all people, there really wasn’t a thing at all that was threatening about him. And yet, what other reason could there be? Sitting up slowly, he turned to look at her, before reaching out toward her, his hand hovering for a moment, hesitating, wondering whether touching her was only going to upset her more, cursing himself internally for getting carried away and… really, he still wasn’t sure what he had done, but he must have done something… he frowned, no, this couldn’t be because of him, it had to be something else, it had to be. “ aleks… ” he said softly, resting a hand lightly on her knee, his gaze fixed on her, waiting for her to respond, or react, or just do something, but she didn’t, she just kept crying, “ aleks?.. ” “aleks, talk to me, I feel like theres something your not telling me, no… I know it, I’ve known it for awhile really, even after you told me about lissa, I knew there was something else you were holding back… ” he paused for a moment, preparing himself, while most of him wanted to know whatever it was that was upsetting her, a part of him didn’t, a small part, but still a part that didn’t want to deal with something that was even bigger than her being a teen mom, because really, there weren’t very many things that were, “ theres something else isn’t there?”

this is tagged to aleks / danii & it is done , and i've got about ehhh. things to say to you. you can find the threads i'm rocking right here . i've got to give a shout to supermuse for the sexy template, alica keys for lyrics . oh! i can't forget i have to say ; five hundred years laterrrr -_-

[aleksandra petrovsky]

the teen laughed at his question, grinning as she brushed some of his hair from his face, good things come to those who wait, right? she quipped with another chuckle before she really couldn't stand to be parted from his lips for any longer. it maybe have been ages since she'd had sex, or been this intimate with anyone, but she was falling quite easily back into it, the same impatience she'd always had springing back up easily. she was pretty sure it wasn't something you ever really forgot how to do though, certain more refined skills that came with the amount of practice she had may have lost their edge but the basic concepts were all the same. it's not like they were trying to wow each other with their skills at this point anyways. she might have teased him about the impatient thing but she had to admit that she had gotten pretty impatient with herself, she knew this wasn't something she was going to recover from over night, it had been almost two years now and the progress she'd made with dominic so far had been pretty good right? the more she thought about it a lot of people were in therapy for years after what had happened to her, happened to them and maybe she should've told her mom and gotten herself in therapy as soon as it had happened, as soon as she'd gotten over the initial denial that the bruises, tenderness and then her pregnancy symptoms had made kind of hard to do. maybe if she had her and dominic would've already been well past their first time awkwardness, this would just be a typical afternoon for them. they'd be used to taking advantage of her daughter being swept away by their best friend and her aunt's empty home... or there was a greater chance she still might be back in chicago, her daughter taken to be raised by someone else, probably her aunt, or maybe she'd have been shipped off to family in russia, it was hard to tell with her mom, she was glad that she'd pushed aleks off on her sister now, no matter how bad she felt for the burden she was on oksana. as she thought about it maybe not telling had been a little worth it, telling probably would not have gotten her sent here and she wouldn't have delilah or dominic. it was kind of hard to imagine life without them. she wouldn't have been this far in any aspects without the pair of them.

when she'd finally pulled the black and white shirts over her head - even with an excuse to just hide her face - she could feel legitimate nerves that had nothing to do with being raped, it was the first time nerves she'd never been sober enough to actually feel. plus it was just normal insecurities, she had never been this naked in front of him, in front of anyone since she moved here, really. the beaches their hometown offered, though gorgeous, never offered the right weather, not that she really could see herself in a bikini anymore, she was really just uncomfortable showing off that much skin and she may have pretty much had her body back minus a few pounds it looked a lot different post-baby as in it had filled out a lot more, she was pretty sure her boobs would go back to normal once she stopped breastfeeding but for know she was filling out her bra much, much better. the weight gain and everything had added more curves which she'd once longed for but now she kind of wanted her semi-awkward looking body back. she felt her stomach flip and a blush come over her cheeks as let his eyes trail over her body and it made her a little more self conscious, a feeling that she'd been unable to get over since she'd first started showing, it was like her baby bump had opened up the flood gate to being insecure with her body and was definitely making up for the years she had been totally fine showing it off in practically nothing. it was shocking how quickly she could go from totally into it and only mildly panicked to just out of her mind with fear. she bit down hard on her lip hoping it would hold back the tears and keep her mind from further falling back into the room and replaying what had happened to her, and it was worse then a nightmare because there was a slightly logical part of her that was shocked she could ever, ever compare dominic and what they'd been doing to something so disgusting, it planted guilt in her stomach the grew for yelling at him, for stopping him, for not being the normal girlfriend he should've had. she felt the bed shift again and she flinched a little at the move, trying to calm her breathing but her uncontrollable tears making it impossible. the flashes kept coming back, her screaming, the nails digging into her the faded scar on her collar bone throbbing like it had just been bit again, she was stuck in chicago.

him saying her name finally filtered into her ears, but it sounded distant not at her shoulder where she figured he would be, and then she felt a touch on her knee, not a phantom one, a physical burning one and she jumped again, moving back from him and staring at him slightly panicked but glad it had snapped her back from the memories. her breathing was quick and shallow as she pulled on her lip, i... can't... she choked out, chewing on her thumbnail now, her tears flowing heavily enough to cloud her vision, i'm s-sorry, for th-this.... she stuttered trying to make her breathing less rapid as she wiped fiercely at her tears, she felt sick to her stomach and she pressed a slender hand to it, dropping her gaze from him and squeezing her eyes shut, her head started to pound and suddenly it was harder to keep back the secret. she'd never once said it, never admitted it to herself aloud in the mirror in a quite moment, the word rape hadn't crossed her lips once since that night, she'd stopped trying to pretend it had never happened because her pregnancy had made it impossible, then seeing lissa everyday seeing the traits growing in her that didn't belong to aleks or her family and it made her sick. it made her sick that she could look into her child's face and actually find something to hate, it was a fleeting distaste, but it hit her and it made her feel like a horrible person because when she looked at lissa she should've felt nothing but love, no trace of resentment or bitter feelings, she shouldn't have felt fear, shouldn't have imagined the disgusting things that had lead to lissa, no, nothing like that. maybe finally admitting it... no, that was a stupid idea... running a hand through her thick hair the teen, finally looked back up at dominic, the words ready on her tongue, but the fear holding them back, i... i was... she felt the panic steal back into her and her breathing pick up again, she felt some walls inside her tumbling like a release was coming but she still felt fear paralyzing her as her stomach swirled with nausea, i was raped. she finally managed in a tone barely above a whisper, there was a cascade of conflicting emotions that tunnelled through her, none more heavily then the need to empty her stomach and barely a second later she flew from the bed to the wastebasket next to her bed and expelled the light breakfast she'd had that morning, crying a little harder as she did so, she hated throwing up, morning sickness had been a rough time for her.


who i'm hanging with, dominic benjamin rhyder . word count, 1326 . credits, liz for the banner, myself for the template . lyrics, a fine frenzy – swan song . status, done . notes, hushhh, shit happens. so, this was shorter for a minute .

[dominic calias]

- - <sub>worry was an emotion he’d become far too familiar with, especially for a boy his age, who shouldn’t have grown out of that stage of self obsession yet. But that was just the way that he was, always thinking about everyone else, worrying about everyone else, and putting their needs above his own, especially when it came to aleks. He always seemed to find himself worrying about her in some respect, whether it be about the smaller things, like lissa keeping her up and her not getting enough sleep, then having to make up for it by napping in class, or the bigger issues, like more recently, whatever it was that he was sure she was still keeping from him. A part of him was a little hurt by that, that even after all this time she still felt like she needed to hide things from him, but he generally ignored that part, focusing instead on what she had told him, because what she had been able to tell him was a pretty big deal after all. Still, the not knowing ate at him, frustrated him, like a math problem he just couldn’t solve, or more accurately, wasn’t allowed to, because anytime he, purposely or not, touched on it, she would get all guarded, and find a way to change the subject, if he didn’t beat her to it that is. Which was hard for him, especially when there were times he was sure if he just persisted a little more she’d tell him what he wanted to know, but weighing up upsetting her with his own curiosity, he was always in favor of not upsetting her, which wasn’t a situation he dealt with much, or liked, he wasn’t used to just letting things be, he was the type to obsess over said thing until he’d figured it out.

- -but this wasn’t worried, worried didn’t even touch this, right now he was closer to distraught, especially when she flinched at his touch, and pulled back, frowning he withdrew his hand, watching helplessly as looked up at him, tears still sliding down her face, the pain in her eyes pulling at him, making him feel like an asshole all over again, for putting her through this. Not knowing what else to do, he held her gaze, watching the internal struggle there, the indecision, he held his breath when she went to speak, frustration pulling briefly through him when she paused, figuring this was going to be another time where she would shut down on him, another time where he'd come within inches of knowing, but then she spoke, and he felt his whole body freeze, too shocked for a moment to respond, too shocked for a moment to feel repulsed, or angry or anything really, and then it seemed to hit him at once, his eyes trailed after her as she leapt off the bed and bent over the bin, a fresh wave of nausea hitting him at the sound, mixing in with the feeling of disgust already swirling in there, he’d never really had a strong stomach when it came to that sort of thing, not even since coming to live here, with evan who was disgusting by anyones standards, and tizz, who found a sick sort of pleasure in tormenting him with stories about the numerous injuries she’d had, or inflicted on to other people. because he was even worse when it came to blood, or the mention of blood, he wasn’t a fainter exactly, but he’d probably come close a few times, something that he wasn’t exactly proud of. He felt a little lightheaded when he finally stood up, her words still ringing through his head, disbelief in filtering into his expression as he gazed down at her, carefully he moved to kneel down beside her, pushing her hair back with one hand, and rubbing her back gently with the other, trying to do it in a way that wouldn’t startle her, or make things worse, he already felt bad enough that he had, in a way, caused this, that he had, unwittingly, triggered the memories that had led to the tears that were streaming down her face. Suddenly, it all made sense, the weird nuances in her behavior, ones that he’d always accommodated but never really understood, like the way she would jump or flinch sometimes for no discernible reason, or she’d pull back from a kiss looking panicked, or why she’d been so hesitant for things to go any further than just kissing, “im sorry ” he murmured, his voice soft, earnest, “ I wish I had known.. I would have..” he broke off, thinking about it for a moment, what could he really have done? Prevented this, for one, he wouldn’t have let things get this far, nor would they have come this close having sex if he had known, and a small part of him wondered if that had anything to do with why she’d kept it to herself, because she knew what he was like, and knew it was probably going to change the way that he acted around her, because it would have, as much as he’d like to deny it, it would have, he was already careful, more careful than any other teenage boy had to be with their girlfriend, and then some, knowing she’d been raped would have only made him more paranoid, more conscious, “…im sorry” he murmured again, taking her hand in his and giving it a squeeze.</sub>

this is tagged to aleks / danii & it is done , and its shorter than yours. you can find the threads i'm rocking right here . i've got to give a shout to supermuse because i stole this off her, and alica keys for lyrics . oh! i can't forget i have to say ; give me some of your quick replying skills, pleaseeeeeeee? at least it wasnt a whole month this time ?

[/sub]
[/blockquote]
[/size][/font] [/BLOCKQUOTE][/justify]

[aleksandra petrovsky]

she had wanted to tell him, sorta, for a long time, but there had been that part of her that just wanted to try and shove what had happened to her so far back in a closet and never have to think about it. it was impossible with lissa running around but her love for lissa and the joy that the little girl brought her had made it fairly easy to block out what had led to her existence. plus, aleks had a good life here, one that wasn't marred by failing grades, getting arrested, sloppy drunken hookups and the rest of the drama that had been her life in chicago. she loved some of the memories she had there, sure, but hollow creek was her home now. where she belonged, a place that she wished she would've grown up in all along. things happened with the way they did for a reason though, right? it was the only thing that she'd bee able to rationalize out of what had happened and pretty much one of the only things that had gotten her through her day sometimes. even then it could be really hard, because there were some days when the memories were really bad that she wished she hadn't gotten away from the man who'd raped her. another one of those thing sshe was sure she could've worked out in some kind of therapy or being able to talk to someone. at first it was too scary telling someone, mostly because she was trying to block it out and forget about it, then she knew no one was going to believe you. she'd had a reputation, a really bad, slutty reputation. she was one of those girls who people would say had asked for it or deserved or was just lying about what had happened. now... now, she just didn't know what was stopping her exactly, there were a lot of things. fear was a lot of it. much like when she'd vacillated over telling dom about lissa she had toyed with the idea of him ending up dumping her. it was irrational and dumb but she didn't see it that way. she never thought clearly when it came to that day and what had happened to her. she could still feel dirty, like there weren't enough showers in the world to put her back to the day before the rape. why would anyone want that around? this would change things. drastically. that she knew for sure. finally owning up to lissa had made things better, easier. this? no. this wouldn't do that at all. she knew he'd definitely look at her differently now, she knew things would change in the air between them. if he didn't break-up with her - which some distant logical part of her head was telling her wasn't going to happen - then things like this wouldn't happen again. the slight frustration she'd felt with him for pulling away from their kiss earlier as his fingers smoothed up the skin of her stomach that would happen more. a lot more. with the fear and griminess still running through her, she could totally understand it, that wasn't a problem for her right now. there was the reminder there that maybe this would somehow help her. maybe by telling him... she could tell her aunt, confirm the suspicions she'd seen brewing up in her caretakers matching sea green eyes every time aleks gave one bullshit excuse after another for being so jumpy, or why she'd never talked about lissa's dad, though she'd finally gotten oksana settled on that by letting her believe that there had been so many guys around that time that aleks couldn't be sure. yeah, it wasn't exactly nice having oksana think that about her, but she'd never wanted to explain the real reason.

you would've what? she half demanded a little attitude leaking into her tone and she dropped her gaze, feeling like a total asshole. i'm sorry. that was mean. an almost reasonable question, but mean. this was her damage her dysfunction there was no need to get snappy at him for it, he was trying to figure out some way to help, some way to make things even a fraction better. which she got and appreciated, no matter how pointless it was. there were some things a teenager just didn't know how to handle, this was one of those things, that had been part of the reason she'd kept it from him. half of it was denial, but a lot of it was not wanting to push this on to him, lissa had been a big enough thing to process, hearing the stories from aris about aleks' less then exemplary pass had been more to process, finding out she'd been raped? that was a whole different ball game, something that could just be the deathblow to their relationship. she'd never be normal for it. one day she might be able to go a day without thinking, be able to look at lissa and not pick out the traits that belonged to alkes and that ones that didn't and immediately say they belonged to him, one day she'd be able to look at the freckles that dotted across lissa's milky shoulders and say "those are lissa's freckles". one day an afternoon like this free of her aunt's supervision and lissa's constant want for attention wouldn't end up with her in tears, no fear would trickle through her as he drew his fingers lightly up her leg, she'd be able to pull him closer to her and kiss him until she really ran out of breath instead of until the panic swirling in her stomach got the better of her. she wished that one day was today, that she was past all of the fear and damage, but finally admitting it, out loud and to someone she loved and trusted, there was a weight that was gone, a little more lightness in her, though that might have had something to do with her now empty stomach. she looked down at their hands and for a moment she almost asked him to let go, not because she didn't really want him touching her, surprisingly all she wanted was to just curl up in his arms forever, because she still felt safe with him, things had gone too far but she knew he was still her safe haven. what got to her was the feeling like she didn't deserve it, how she should be showering down with bleach before he could even look at her again. she shook her head at his apology, don't apologize. she said, pulling her sea colored eyes up to his, you didn't do this. now or then. i pushed myself too far. this is my fault. don't apologize. she said pushing the waste basket underneath her desk, mentally noting that she'd have to remember to take that bag out later tonight. she couldn't look up at him now, her tears had calmed but it didn't stop all the feelings she'd thought she'd pushed away or worked through coming back a little. he was lissa's father.. she said softly, staring at a spot on the floor, the same sick feeling hitting her again but with nothing to expel she pushed it away. i should've told you sooner i just... didn't want things to change and i was afraid that... that you... she wiped her eyes shaking her head, nevermind... you know now. drawing a hand through her mussed hair, it's one of the reasons i didn't want to tell you bout lissa, cus i thought you'd ask about her dad and i didn't want to admit that i didn't know who it was because i knew i wouldn't be able to tell you what happened. i never told anyone. it's why my mom kicked me out, because she just thought i'd gotten knocked up by a boyfriend and then i was just afraid to say anything cus i knew no one would believe me and.... she stopped, taking a breath, yeah, just lose your shit, that's an excellent idea, aleks. i'm sorry. you shouldn't have found out like this. i thought i was ready.


who i'm hanging with, dominic benjamin rhyder . word count, 1374 . credits, liz for the banner, myself for the template . lyrics, a fine frenzy – swan song . status, done . notes, i keep getting distracted by how amazing/gorgeous/adorable logan looks in your banner & sig. seriously, he needs to stop being so delicious. university starts for me like next week so i don't know how fast i'll be at replying after that lol .