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Post by gabriel van buren. on Dec 16, 2010 20:13:14 GMT -8
- - - - - should he have been doing this? probably not. was that stopping him? no. his self control levels around jess hovered somewhere around non-existent. on a good day. of course, that had been before he'd left her and before he'd met nai, who he was deeply in love with. at one point he'd been just as in love with jess. in some ways it had felt like it was another lifetime ago, all those afternoons they'd spent in their apartment not moving much past their bed, the dates, the jokes. everything was shiny and exciting and sometimes he'd even caught himself thinking that it'd never end. which were silly thought he'd easily been able to push away when they cropped up because that was just crazy, they were young, too young. still the thoughts had never much threw him off or bothered him until they just seemed to increase, became harder to bury each time and more then a few heavy hints were dropped by his friends. dating and having a steady relationship had been a new enough concept to him, there was no way he could think about getting married, or even getting engaged. he'd never been the guy who did relationships, he'd always been more of the player type, he'd made it clear that he wasn't interested in long terms deals, a date her, a date there and it wasn't really exclusive. that had worked for him. it had really, really worked for him. until he'd met jess.
- - - - - he still couldn't tell you exactly what had made her so different but she'd gotten to him, he was pretty much half in love with her before their first date ended, it seemed like it took no time for them to become an official thing, something he caught flak for from his brothers who, while they loved jess immensely, couldn't believe he was actually dating. all except for his oldest brother who was married and expecting the first of his daughters at the time. he'd taken the teasing because jess had been worth it, more then worth it. but that's just the way you felt about your first love right? he'd tried time and time again to explain away the changes in him, anything to make things seem less serious then they actually were. it was dumb, he knew that now but it had never stopped him. he hadn't felt the same about any girl until he'd met nai, who in a lot of ways was on the opposite end of the spectrum as jess. thinking about forever with nai hadn't scared him, the first time the thought hit, it just felt right and he'd worked hard on their relationship, and in the seventeen hours since jess had rocked back into his life he'd been trying to figure out why and he had, sort of. nai was just exceptional, that went without saying, but he'd put a lot of effort into making things work, so he could make up for what he'd done with jess. it made sense, it wasn't to say he wasn't completely in love with na'ima, because he was. as much as he loved jess, she was in his past, that's where their romance was meant to stay, but he remembered now exactly how many times he'd tell himself not to fuck this one up, how many times he heard from his friends not to fuck this one up, it wasn't likely he was going to make a third girl fall in love with him the way jess and nai had.
- - - - - the cocky parts of his personality wanted to agree but more of him was content in that knowledge because there was nobody else he wanted. his feelings about jess may have been confusing but he knew, knew for sure, that nai was the one for him. which was why he was beginning to feel this might've been a mistake, especially with jess so convinced that gabriel was the one for her. at one point that could've been their future, but it just wasn't now, and it was a little selfish of him to agree to this dinner, knowing what she was hoping would come from it and knowing that he couldn't give that to her. he loved her, always would, bu he didn't love her in the way he loved nai anymore. or at least he was pretty sure it wasn't that strong. that indecisions should've been clue enough he should've canceled this dinner. the strain between him and nai lately was another thing. nai's miscarriage had made her distant, the usual optimistic, bubbly, ever-smiling girl had faded, favoring a more silent version of herself that seemed to go through the motions of the day with strained enthusiasm, which his best friends boyfriend had assured him was fairly normal after what happened, Tizz's boyfriend had also added his own personal recommendations based on what he knew of nai which had bothered him because he knew nai had talked to michael when she wouldn't talk to him. which had lead him to a rather unfair accusation, one that he knew she wasn't likely going to truly forgive him for for awhile no matter what she said or how she tried to act. he wanted to push all of that from his mind for the night and it was easy as he took the streets to jess' place tonight. this was just catching up with an old friend, one he'd been madly in love with and still wanted him as much as before he'd broken up with her, but purely innocent. this was going to be fine, he'd tell nai in the next couple of days, who it was he'd gone to see and it would be totally fine.
- - - - - he pulled up to address, running a hand over his hair before he headed up to the building, the same building his first place had been in until he'd moved to the apartment on the beach he shared with nai. he brushed away all doubts as he rode to the elevator, tapping his feet absently to the cheesy music they still hadn't stopped playing and exited the elevator behind an older woman and her pomeranian and headed to jess' door. without hesitation he knocked lightly on the door, leaning against the frame while he waited for her to open the door, standing up straight when he saw the gold handle began to turn and he fixed her with a casual smile as he saw her, trying not to let his eyes trail to slowly over the glorious body that wasn't hard to forget pressed tightly to him because that was the last place his head needed to be tonight, because you didn't think about having sex with your friends. you grow lovelier every time i see you, his voice taking on the melodramatic teasing tone that had passed between them so many times, really, you look amazing. he told her stepping forward and pulling her into a long hug, you ready? he asked pulling back after a moment, trying not to let the scent of her perfume wrap around him too heavily it only invited more of those memories he need to squash.
tagged, jill as the lovely jess.<33
words, 1203
wearing, right here.
credits, liz will be making me a banner once i decide on a pictureeee.
lyrics, none yet.
listening, bruno mars, grenade.
notes, drama llama!
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Post by jess nathalie littekin on Dec 23, 2010 23:53:53 GMT -8
Things would all have to go according to plan. Jess sighed into her bathroom mirror, watching her reflection cast sideways and back again as it mimicked her movements, the blatant calculations alight in her eyes. This was caustic and terrible, she knew it well, but he had put so much of her life on the line and dropped it when she thought she had it all. Her relationship with Gabriel Van Buren had been something she would never forget...and it obviously was holding true right now. To spend her vacation time, which could have been full of beautiful friends, amazing food, luxurious spas and indulgent alcohols, boarded up in Washington could barely justify enough the feelings that still lingered. He had ripped away from her, left her grasping for answers she still wanted. Needed, even. Without them, there was no hope of moving on....and that was still even something she didn't know if she wanted to do or not. The chemistry and feelings were still there, she knew it and she prayed like hell he did too...so it was only a matter of time before it all worked itself out, right? They had been young, but there had been love....and as she studied her mirror image again she could see even from afar it was still there. And she needed to prove that to him. She had lost her heart long ago and her judgement had gone along somewhere with it, leaving behind someone too cold that it often surprised her. She'd mess with things, coordinate and lie and cheat her way into certain jobs or positions if she so wanted them. It was awful, and deep down inside she knew that, but deep down inside her love for gabriel tortured her so much she couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight until it got itself straightened out. So she was doing something about it.
Jess' eyes scanned lower, taking in the taut, firm muscles of her flat stomach, the arc and flow of her legs that could drive someone wild if so desired. She knew she was beautiful, had noted constant compliments coming her way and waved them off with an air of appreciation, but they barely mattered when they didn't from from the one she wanted. Sure, she'd had a steady string of lovers and boys after him, had tried desperately to rid herself of the feelings by falling into late night beds and early morning wake up calls. Her career hit its all time high because she had to throw herself into it, taking odd jobs with even stranger requests just to get away from him so she could be ok. The trips she'd take to clear little things out of his apartment, the looks they'd exchange as she passed through the door, the tears she never, ever let him see....it was difficult, to say the least, but she had worked past it. Literally. By the time he mysteriously dropped off in campaigns and the runway shows they'd emerged as friends again, albeit a little distanced, but she was everywhere at once and his focus had been...elsewhere. Grimacing in the mirror as her name echoed through her head, Jess shimmied into her dress and finally let her breath out when she was all tightened in, focusing again on her curvy silhouette that had reached some pretty infamous pages. Beautiful, she knew. Wanted, she knew not. Not anymore. Not by the right person. Nai'ma was gorgeous as well, would have had a name for herself if she had done what Jess had done and focused...but she caved instead, couldn't handle the caustic world she breathed in everyday. But in the end, she still had him to come home to.
Lips stained red, eyes a smoky sooty black, a wicked smile. That was all about to change.
Jess grabbed her clutch and without a second thought slipped the pills inside, a satisfying moment only heightening her senses and feeling of anticipation. If this all went as planned....well, he would barely remember anything. And that's where should would come in, stage the scene, connect any false pieces she'd already fabricated in her head. She knew it was the common thing in clubs to slip drugs to girls and make them delirious and incapable of going anywhere but into willing hands...and as downright awful as that was to think about, she was willing to try it. She'd say he had one too many drinks, had gotten way too drunk after awhile and she'd taken him back to her penthouse out of worry, only to be pulled into his arms and reminded of the ways he loved her. He could make his own determinations after that. A cruel smile toyed on the corner of her lip as the knock at the door sounded, her foot falling into her heel at the exact same second. Perfect. Spritzing a last touch of the perfume he'd always remembered and she swung open the door, as vivacious and alluring as ever, drinking in the site of him. She really had missed this.
"You don't look too bad yourself, Van Buren," she purred, wrapping her arms around him and reluctantly letting go after so long. The proximity was dizzying enough again, intoxicating her with his very presence until she heard his faint question of if she was ready or not and it knocked her back to reality. "Yeah, just let me grab my coat." Sliding her trench over her body so he could still see just about everything she tightened it impossibly tight, vain in her endeavors but attempting nonetheless. She was never one to give up a fight or leave a challenge behind, and tonight was no different at all. Just a bit more complex and a lot more up for grabs. She was putting everything on the line for him, so she was praying it would work.
The ride to the restaurant was like a blur to a past memory, something easy to follow and pic up on, the ebb and swell of the conversation flowing between them so reminiscent of what they had had she resisted every urge to lace her fingers with his. She had to wait, time this perfectly, get the right moment and the right words to make this all worth it. Jokes were exchanged as they were seated, past memories touched on as the most expensive wine flowed from the bottle and they settled back into their chairs with satisfaction. "So tell me about her," she finally mentioned, pressing forward in her to chair and pinching the drugs in her clutch, waiting for a response she knew could probably hurt her. It was then, however, as everyone subtly moved in the right places, that things were ready to be put into place. "Oh! Before that, see if you can get the waiter's attention, we need more wine.." And as he turned clear around to find him she felt the grit of the powdery residue the pill left in her palm, watched as it slipped silently into the contents of his drink, elusive and invisible in the dark color of the thick red liquid and dark glass it was contained in. Suddenly, everything was working for her. He took a quick sip as the man poured them more and she was quick to follow him, smiling into her glass as everything became so much brighter around her. It was only a matter of time..
tagged: katiee as the amazing gabe <3
words: 1350
outfit: heree!
notes: sorry this took forever, i feel super bad but it got hectic around here! it's good now though, so here's my holidays present to you! c:
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Post by gabriel van buren. on Jan 2, 2011 19:08:15 GMT -8
- - - - - when he touched her... it was so innocent but he could feel all those emotions that never wanted to go away the ones that held on by the tangles of guilt he felt when he thought about how they used to be and how abruptly and callously he'd ended things between them. despite being in love with nai he thought about jess a lot, he'd never completely moved on from her, which was pretty terrible and all felt very 'my best friends wedding' except he didn't think jess capable of jule's almost psychotic determination to break up the wedding, but the shades of a complicated love triangle were there. he may have shared the same doubts as michael, silent but still there, but further then that... no, he knew jess, he knew that she could never try to mess things up for him and nai. as much as he knew it hurt her - as it hurt him thinking about her hurting and him being the cause of it - he knew that she'd just be glad he was happy, even if she thought that should have been her. it could have been her. if he weren't such a coward in years past it totally could have been jess, they'd be engaged now or maybe already married thanks to too many bottles of the wine native to whatever exotic city they were thrust to that weekend. they'd drink too much, tell too many jokes and by the end of the night they'd be saying their vows, anything was possible with them. as much as he looked back on his and jess' relationship with regrets, he knew it taught him something. he'd been pretty miserable when he'd broken up with her, which should've been a sign that he'd been making a mistake but thinking about things about their futures in terms of 'when' and not 'if'... that was a frightening concept to him. they'd really had something and he'd so easily cast it away. when he'd finally admitted his feelings for nai, saw that she was more then his room mate and more then his best friend he'd been determined to not let himself be psyched out, that he was going to hold on until it petered out... but it hadn't and he knew.. he just knew that she was who he was meant to be with, he'd pulled up the conviction he was too coward to with jess and asked nai to marry him.
everything he'd done to jess was easy to ignore when he'd brought himself to her door and her body was pressed to his again in a hug that was a little too lingering for friends, he could feel the rush of emotions and a tumble of memories coming back. milan, paris, a drunken night they'd gotten lost in los angeles... almost every moment started out like this, coming to get her, the same compliments he struggled to deliver smoothly when all he wanted was to have her under his fingertips and whatever daring dress she sound herself in a pile on the floor. if he felt that way now he tried to ignore it and did so effectively enough it wasn't the forefront of his mind, he could still appreciate her beauty, it was hard not to appreciate her beauty. it wasn't subtle, she was one of those people you couldn't tear your eyes away from, there was nothing about her you could push away as average. it was harder to not notice when she was wanting you to notice like she was now. he tried to ignore the devilish shine in her eyes, bury deep the slight threads of longing that were trying to wrap themselves around his limbs. they were friends, that's it. this was an innocent dinner about friends catching up. that's it.
once they'd gotten started the conversation just flowed, there weren't any awkward pauses or uncomfortable questions like she'd offered him in their im the other night, he didn't feel like he was hurting her. then again, their conversations was almost all about their past, he'd unconsciously shied away from everything to do with nai and they had enough mutual friends to know she'd dated more ten a few guys since they'd split and he knew any stories she had about them she wasn't divulging either. he was glad though. he loved nai but he knew he'd still be jealous thinking about another guy touching her, running his hands over the curves he knew so well, the curves that a small part of him still wanted to feel against him again. he tried to cut those thoughts off as the conversation and atmosphere got too relaxed with their heavy alcohol consumption, this was like every night in one of their luxurious but still crappy hotel rooms or their private after party with each other after they'd cleared their friends from their apartment. they drank and laughed and then... well, that wasn't happening tonight. they'd drink themselves silly he'd have to call a car or a cab and they'd part as friends, with things lighter between them. it just had to work out that way. he couldn't stand to think about her suffering especially when he knew the only solution would hurt na'ima and what he really wouldn't want in the long run. he loved jess, but as much as he wanted a redo all he really wanted to do was just change the way they ended. find a way he could've done it without hurting or maybe have a reason further then he was scared.
he took a long drink off another glass of wine, not sure how much that put him at but he was feeling pretty good, he was in that space where he wasn't sure if he was just really happy or if he tried to stand he fall straight on his ass, he didn't really feel like testing that as he took the final bite of a dinner roll as jess leaned back in her seat a little and he saw her expression change this was when they got into the dicey stuff, still, he smiled at her question. a rush of words he could use hitting him, he opened his moth but her words entered the air again, he looked down at the bottle, yeah, it was pretty much gone, well, isn't that shocking. he said with a chuckle, before he turned barely in his chair, holding up a hand to the waiter who hurried over, they were being the most generous in their ordering and finding themselves with excellent, almost annoying, service. gabe turned back around smiling as he polished off the rest of his glass so the waiter could pour him another glass. it took him a moment before he finally started to answer her, she's great, really. he let his gold flecked eyes drop down to his glass, taking another drink wondering exactly what he could say without hurting her too much, we fit in odd ways, it's nice. he told her carefully, eyebrows pulling in a little, jess... he sighed a little before he reached across the table and took her hand, you... you changed so much for me and.. i really wish things hadn't turned out the way they did, i know i already told you that, but i want you to know i wasn't just saying it. he drew his hand back to take another drink of his wine, the electric pulse that drove through his arm as he'd touched her skin fucking with his head, actually the wine was just catching up with him, but he drained the glass not really caring. maybe being really, really drunk would make himself feel better about being a total asshole to her. he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, sorry, he looked down at the text from his sister, a picture she sent of her and nai trying on clothes and he chuckled remembering the days when he got those pictures of her and jess. i think i've had too much. he said, pushing his empty glass away from him, and looking up at her holding her gaze for a long moment, will things ever be... semi-normal for us again?
tagged, jill as the lovely jess.<33
words,
wearing, right here.
credits, liz will be making me a banner once i decide on a pictureeee.
lyrics, hayley williams, teenagers.
listening, snow patrol, set fire to the third bar.
notes, love love love love.
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Post by jess nathalie littekin on Jan 10, 2011 14:32:39 GMT -8
She wondered if he'd ever figure it out. If she was being too obvious, too forth coming, her foot tapping nervously under the table as it all waited to be played out. There was so many things she had to do tonight for her plan to unravel and the scene to make itself, but this....hurting gabe and manipulation...was the worst of it. The guilt still gnawed at her, twisted when she'd catch her reflection, bit when she realized how dead and wicked her eyes were. No one else could notice of course...she had composed her face and features for years, modeling giving her a blank slate and even more neutral emotions as years of criticizing and blame weighed down on her. She could act though, pretend she was incredibly interested and aloof and not planning to drug one of her best friends and have her way with him He was in love with someone else, she shouldn't be doing this....but he had loved her first, openly admitted it to her, and she was determined to rekindle that spark again. By any means necessary.
So this was her chance. An innocent dinner date, which was not so innocent at all. The fact that they were together, alone, out catching up at a restaurant with her leaving less to the imagination was if they had flashed back in time, another month, another year passed. It was like they were still together, getting drunk on wine and catching up on their latest shoot adventures, planning when their agents would bring together next for some five digit score to the checkbooks and another world adventure. It had all been so easy back then, and as the conversation in the limo melted to the breathy laughs at the dinner table, it eased back into the familiarity she knew so well. The past, their memories...everything so stuck behind them being pulled forward again so she didn't corner him with questions he didn't want to answer and feelings he'd much rather not admit. If he asked her anything she'd answer, and it would be so truthfully honest he'd be wishing he never hurt her again. But he shied away from anything, focusing on the light and happy so they didn't end up depressed by the end of dinner.
Though depressed was definitely not like anything he'd be feeling tonight.
Seeing him polish off the glass of wine she'd drugged mere seconds ago had her grinning wickedly, offering her glass to the waiter for more as he finally realized they were well paying customers and was more than happy to stick around. She thanked him briefly, giving him the eye so he'd leave them alone, and returned her gaze back to Gabe as she watched it slowly take effect on him. He was pretty dizzy already, the previous glasses catching up to him, reactions not as complete...but it would be way worse eventually, it was just when and how long. Her arms crossed tightly against her chest as she tilted her head and listened to him talk about Nai, noting the residual happiness that lingered in his features when he mentioned things about her, the sharp drop of her heart that warranted her body. He dropped it quickly though, taken by surprise when he reached out to lace her fingers with his. Still a perfect fit, as it always had been...and the feelings were still just as strong. She listened to his words, noting the sincerity, how suddenly awful she felt as she bit her lip and looked away as if it hurt her. Which, of course, it actually did. "It's ok, Gabe. Things just happen for a reason, I guess... she replied softly, slowly letting go as he downed more wine and she did the same. Her buzz was starting to make her dizzy, lighter even, as she checked her blackberry and shot a quick message to her agent. By the time she returned to the table's reality he caught her gaze, making butterflies swell and burst in her stomach, the electricity snapping and popping in the air that held everything they'd ever felt. "Will things ever be...semi-normal for us again?" he finally asked, causing her to sigh and offer a polite smile in return. She wondered if he'd detect the sadness if he looked hard enough. "Yeah...I think so..." she finally answered, softly, like she was unsure. After tonight...she honestly wouldn't know.
Finishing the rest of dinner had them both fighting for the check, Gabe close to delirious as she had wanted, finally, finally, out of his element and possibly his mind as she tipped the waiter grandly and helped him out to the car. "You're staying with me tonight, ok?" she quickly insisted, giving the driver an address as she made sure he wasn't completely passed out yet. There were still a few things left for her to do, her plan wasn't complete. It all came together though as she situated him upstairs, making sure he changed out of his good clothes before he fell into her bed. She watched him sleep peacefully for a second, wearing his boxers and an old t-shirt of his she had kept, her perfume on it still lingering in the air. The rest of her night was her figuring out details for tomorrow, but as it all fell into place and she nestled into place against him, she couldn't resist pressing her lips against his, like she had wanted to the entire night. No response, as she had known, but it calmed her heart and allowed her to sleep soundly the rest of the night.
Waking up the next morning, and Jess was quick to realize her headache was not going to help her any. Make things more realistic, yes, but not help at all. She rolled out from his arms and stumbled into the next room, making sure it looked as if their clothes had been strewn in a messy trail to the bedroom, painting the picture that they had hooked up by the end of the night. Somewhere inside her conscious was telling her this was wrong, that she shouldn't be doing this to him, but she quickly shoved it away as she picked up his undershirt, the one he had been wearing the night before, and pulled in on her over her lingerie. A scrunching of her hair in the mirror, smudged make-up, creating a swollen just kissed look on her lips...and Jess had this all under control. She quietly crawled back into her bed, throwing his arms around her hips before she laid still for a second, counting down from 10 in her head until it was time for this all to unfold. She shook against him, stirring him from his sleep as her eyes nervously rose to his. Full of fear as if she had seen something so very terrifying. "Gabe....what happened last night?" she whispered, her voice wavering as if she was actually questioning it. As if this wasn't all a part of everything she had done already. "I....I don't remember at all....and i'm wearing your shirt....and....oh my god." It was all about to unravel from here.
tagged: katiee as the amazing gabe <3
words: 1380
music: white blank page, mumford and sons
outfit: heree! and then to here! dun dun dunn
notes: ugh i so probably god modded or something, sry :c but i figured i'd make it dramaticcc! message me if i need to change it, it'd be nbd! and hopefully it doesn't fail :c
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Post by gabriel van buren. on Jan 18, 2011 23:58:11 GMT -8
- - - - - things felt off, he had to admit that. but how ere they meant to feel? as much as he loved nai there was going to be a part of him that was never going to be able to shake jess or the way she'd touched his life. he'd never shake the guilt of what he'd done, of how much of a fucking coward he'd been. it didn't mean he wanted to pull things back to there they once had been, if he could go back and been a little smoother, that'd be nice but he was happy with nai. as happy as he'd been with jess, as happy as he'd ever been. he felt bad feeling for jess the way he did, felt like it was betraying nai, especially lying to her about the extent of his feelings. mostly he was lying to himself. he hardly wanted to admit the extent of his feelings, he didn't want to think about the lingering ones and how serious they might be. this was pretty much betrayal enough to na'ima. he shouldn't have agreed to this with how he still felt for jess, with how much he was trying to deny how he felt for jess. as much as he'd tried to convince himself otherwise.. this was a mistake. what was that saying? let sleeping dogs lie? he should've let this go, he shouldn't have tried to atone for what he'd done further then what he'd trie to when they spoke the other night. if he agreed to see her, it should've been a lunch, in a public place, with nai, or maybe just a short on, purposefully scheduling it to almost conflict with some business related thing, surely she understood how those went. he may have felt bad about it, but really, he didn't owe her anything. if he felt bad about that, oh well. if he'd done something worse to nai, that was a problem. he couldn't imagine himself cheating on her in a million years, there was just no way, but cheating on her was fifty times worse then lying to jess about a lunch. it seemed he was putting more effort into worrying about not hurting jess then he was considering nai's feelings, that made him feel like shit. twisted his stomach and put and heavier feeling to the evening. the guilt growing as jess now asked about nai, she wasn't in his head but she picked a great time to ask. this was so wrong. gabe dropped his gaze for a moment, trying to calculate how much wine he'd had, they'd pretty much finished their food, how rude of him would it be if he excused himself now? or was it too late? was enough damage already done that another twenty thirty minutes wouldn't matter? he really shouldn't have done this.
now he was reaching for his wine to assuage the guilt versus because it tasted it good, it wasn't about enjoyment anymore. here was really nothing about the rest of this evening that could be enjoyment, either way, someone got hurt. he'd say the wrong thing to jess or.. or something might almost happen, in the drunken nostalgia and he'd have to say no, be it him or her who let themselves get caught up in the wine and memories. how did he mnage to get himself this deep? when had he lost his sense. he'd never want this kind of thing going on between nai and her best friends brother. he'd mey nya, he hadn't got a chance to meet her brother, but he knew that if he were as charming as nya had been.. he knew the history between nai and him, he'd been her first time, her first crush, first kiss, basically the first everything. he'd always been there for her when they were kids, apart from being the cause of her minor claustrophobia - he almost chuckled remembering the story nai had told him about him lock and his friends locking her in a closet and forgetting about her. he considered her words for a moment, but do they happen for the right reasons? he blurted before he could help himself, he knew when they broke up it had been for the wrong reasons, it wasn't because of incompatibility or some unforgivable thing something erupting between them. it had been his simple fear of commitment. his fear of being in love, his fucking bullshit cowardice. things became fuzzier after that, like he was there but he wasn't really there, be it because he was so lost in his thoughts. it was a jerky kind of auto-pilot, guilt and disloyalty to both girls swaying in him, and he wasn't quite sure what was going on, not exactly, he knew they were done, he was insisting he pay. they were leaving, and he nodded to her words, whatever they were making since to some part of him.
there was a feeling you got when you slept too long, a stiffness that formed in your bones from staying in the same position that made it hard to move once consciousness finally pulled you back, and the discomfort of hangovers and then there was what he felt right now as he struggled to come above the blackness of sleep, when he felt.. it was a shitstorm. saying he felt like ass was an understatement, it didn't help he wasn't exactly pulling himself from sleep willingly he could feel hands against him, shaking him, clearly trying to help him out of the stranglehold sleep had on him, it was a deep but not exactly restful sleep. too many things danced in his mind and his dreams twisted into wrong shapes and backwards worlds, nothing felt right. now it was more then the faded dredges of his dreams that were unsettling but the urgency with which he was awoken and suddenly a perfume that he knew but wasn't used to pervaded his senses. no. he opened his eyes, seeing a panicked, fearful look in the wide beautiful eyes that did not belong to his fiancé. no. fuck no. jess. her words, her question... his stomach constricted and guilt and pain flooded over him as he sat up gripping his aching head, the headache seeming to have increased tenfold in two seconds flat. he tried to sift through the night before, his mind trailed over the events, trying to pick out the memories of the car ride to the restaurant, the meal the wine, coming home to her place and more carnal flashes trailing over his mind but he couldn't be sure if they were truly from last night or just one of the many other evenings they'd spent together. he didn't want to believe it but... but it had to be. you didn't walk up half naked to your ex in hr bed without there being something to it. this wasn't real, i-i... he began to stutter over his words, until he dropped his gaze down to her, i don't remember... or i mean... it could.. i don't know. gabriel looked away from her, nai flashing before his eyes, na'ima.. i.. i couldn't have done this to her, i just... no, this doesn't... that sick feeling hit him again, the feeling like he had in his dreams like nothing was quite adding up, because it didn't. he was used to forgetting things when you pumped him with enough alcohol but this felt.. this felt so much more absolute. like no matter how hard he tried to remember nothing would come back. na'ima flashed across his mind again, how could he do this to her? there may have still been feelings for jess there in him but he couldn't imagine sleeping with her again, not when he knew how much it'd hurt na'ima. he was in love with na'ima, beyond in love with na'ima, this wasn't real. gabe drew a hand through his tight curls, before he finally pushed the sheets back from his legs and stood up looking down at her, in his clothes, clearly looking like a little more then a few laughs had transpired between them. do you remember anything? anything at all? i mean.. i can't... we can't have... stress coursed through him, i have na'ima.. if she knew... he paused, when i tell her... this was so fucked up.
tagged, jill as the lovely jess.<33
words,
wearing, right here.
credits, liz!
lyrics, hayley williams, teenagers.
listening, demi lovato, here we go again.
notes, they're killing me rn.
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Post by jess nathalie littekin on Feb 13, 2011 2:37:49 GMT -8
Things were finally, finally going to head her direction. After all this time, the heartbreak and ensuing months, the countless memories of laying in bed just wanting him…the way her shirts still smelled like him when she’d pull them off. It made her sick, almost physically and completely mentally, twisted and turned her ideas and intentions to those of malicious intent. Gone was the naïve Jess who wandered the streets of New York with a positive attitude and even brighter outlook. She’d been embittered by the one who had promised her everything and dropped it all in one surprise depressive sucker punch. And as in love as she was with him, she knew in her heart of hearts she would never get him back. No strength of time or willpower would have him scrambling back to her arms, even if tonight worked out exactly as she had it planned and everything fell into place. No, she knew it was all doomed to begin with. But as everyone evil always said; if she couldn’t have him, no one could.
So she devised and concocted this, ran through the motions and timing again and again, relieved beyond words as he was drugged and numbed and controllable, as easy as breathing. She set the perfect stage, was the perfect starring actress, waiting for her actor to come to life in reality. Complete, utter, horrible, reality. She knew it’d hurt him but what else could she do but let him feel the pain he’d brought on to her, to let him know that it was like this but oh so much worse. Everything had been ripped out from under her and she’d obviously survived, albeit a little bit harder…a little more determined, a little more…willing to take others down. Being a part of this cut throat career had hardened her but the breakup had cut her like steel, molding her into some possibly stoic form of a person had she not perfected how to act, feel, breathe…plot. As cruel hearted as it was this was the most fun she had had in months, years even, devising the downward spiral that was to be Gabriel Van Buren’s relationship. And he had no idea. Never really would.
She returns slowly to reality and the ‘grave’ situation she has just found herself in.
Scene. On Air. Play. It’s Showtime.
Her eyes employ all the emotional tendencies she needs, horror and confusion and pain and fuzzy recollections, her fingers gripping her tresses as he shot up in bed, obviously feeling the effects of the pills. He caught his head in his hands, slowly finding her gaze again as she held it steady. Ready for anything and everything that came at her. ”I don’t know either,” she returned in horror, looking as if she was scrolling through last night in her head, brows furrowed and lip bitten as if in so much turbulent pain. When in fact, it was all silent happiness. Glee at the thought of her current success. Only a matter of time…
She ‘winces’ at the mention of his girlfriend, cradling in on herself and turning away as if to deny everything, slowly raising to her feet and stumbling out into the hallway, an ”Oh my god,” coming from her lips before she stumbled back in to meet his other stuttering words. She nods hesitantly at first, leaning against the doorframe and trying to keep herself upright as if she was still horribly hungover. As if this wasn’t just some scheme and she was so much better off than he would be for a while. ”I remember…dinner, and the car back….and we kissed….and our clothes are all down the hall…and being in bed, for just one second,” she shutters and looks away as if the whole thing disgusted her, then finished her statement. ”But that’s it….it’s so hazy…but Gabe…I think we did.” she finally meets his gaze, deadlocked, so serious and resolute that he had to believe it. That she wasn’t lying and that this was all going to come down around him and his precious, sweet, innocent girlfriend. If they’d been having troubles already, it was all about to come down now.
”You don’t have to tell her…” Jess begins, moving to sit on the side of the bed again as she curled into her form, eyes playing with the sheets. ”Or…say it was my fault. Or something, anything. God, Gabe, I’m so sorry….we should…I wish I….oh god, I don’t know…” she trails off, tormented, all the while wanting to grasp his hands and make him hers again. Too much passion, too many wicked schemes…and it all collided into one mess that was her mind. And right now, her mind was only on Gabe…and his world, finally, and fatefully, falling apart.
tagged: katiee as the amazing gabe <3
words: ---
music: breathe me, sia
outfit: heree! and then to here! dun dun dunn
notes: omg, I’m so embarrassed this took like, a month. School’s basically been killing me, but I hope this works <3 sorry sorry sorry again :c
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Post by gabriel van buren. on Mar 5, 2011 20:19:46 GMT -8
gabriel looks her over then drops his gaze as flashes of them tangle in his mind, he has trouble discerning if they are really from the night before or simply from the many other nights they spent wrapped up in each other. he let's his gold flecked eyes search their surroundings, the mussed sheets, the clothes strewn haphazardly to and around the bed... gabriel may not have been the best boyfriend in the past, even with na'ima, he had a penchant to be selfish, but he never thought himself capable of this.no matter how much pent up sexual tension there was between him and jess. nai was his world. there was no question of that... until now. his eyes flickered back up to jess, her expression edged with pain as nai's name crossed his lips, they both should've known better.couldn't jess have put herself in nai's shoes for on second last night? somewhere in the back of his mind a voice chided him, don't blame her for your shit. he feels his shoulders slump like jess' lithe body does, he listens to her stutter over her words, each one a deep dig into his stomach, twisting guilt and pain meeting the blade of her words. when she brings her eyes to his.. he knows it's true, everything his body feels, the fuzzy memories and the emotions etching themselves into her beautiful face. he takes a deep breath, his full lips paling for a moment, dreading going home, to disgusted with himself to want to stay in this bed, even this apartment.
the bed shifts and her voice is closer and he looks up at her, she's so close he can smell the wave of his cologne that comes off of her and it turns his stomach because it's just another reminder of what they've done. i can't keep this from her. he responds immediately, a touch of defensiveness in his tone, isn't bad enough he's already cheated on her? now he's going to lie to her? there was no way he could keep a secret like that from her. there was no way a secret like that could be kept, if i don't tell her.. she'll still fnd out. we aren't exactly low-profile people jess. on top of that... this is my old building, even, i know people here. friends of mine and hers saw me come get you last night. even if he could manage to convince himself to lie to her, that it would be to nai's benefit that he kept this to his chest.. could he convince her that some of her first friends in this city were lying to her too? too many lies to keep together, it was like a snowball rolling down her, sucking every bit of snow in it's path into it's girth. he pulled a hand into his curls again tugging lightly and sighing, until jess' voice curled around him again and he looked up at her shaking her head, no. i did this too. i fucked up. you just... i shouldn't have done this.. not with the way i still feel about you. he reached for her hand, electricity working it way up his arms as he does, this isn't your fault, i'm not letting you take the blame. he told her, before he lets go of her hands, his stare was too intent on her face, just because he fucked up once doesn't mean he can go for a round two.
gabriel keeps his eyes on her for a moment longer before he turns away, guilt growing thicker in his gut the longer he looks at her, i... his voice sticks in his throat, i won't tell her until she asks... and i'll tell her it wasn't your fault that.. i initiated it or something.. until then.. they were lies, but considering the state of his memory they very well could be truths, with how backwards he felt he didn't even know if he would walk out on to the same streets when he left, maybe he'd woken up in another universe, right was left and down was up, maybe he;d entered another universe that night, where their wine was some kind of sweet vodka, it was hard to imagine getting this fucked up on wine. even what he considered his wildest nights he thought he'd woken up in better shape then he was now. he thought about his brother's first psychology course, something like repression tickling a memory, could he be trying to block out what happened the night before, hoping if he didn't remember it that it meant it had never occurred? i'll tell her i was too drunk to tell the cabby where i lived and we just went back to yours and i crashed on the couch, i know at least that much is true... halfway home things start to just... he shakes his head, there weren't words to describe it, it was swirly and dark at the most basic. he turns his eyes up to her, i'm sorry. his eyes leeching sadness and his brows knotting together, you didn't deserve any of this, none of it is fair to you... i never should've agreed to go out with you like this. i didn't think there would be a chance that this would happen but... it's not fair to you because despite it all, i'm still in love with nai. ignoring the fact that after what had happened come out it wasn't likely that the blond would ever even speak to him again. i should leave before things get anymore fucked up. not like it was possible, but he felt the desires to inch closer and take her lips against his own prickling over his skin, like because he cheated once he was allowed to have another try at it, a memorable one.
gabe tries to stand and he stumbles, the throbbing in his head turning into an almost crippling pain, his joint protest the movement and he feels his stomach twist and he wants to empty it, but he's not sure if it's because he is genuinely sick or he's hoping he might expel the guilt. he tries to smile, i am never drinking again, he tells her, looking down at her tired face, his fingers lightly resting on her olive toned shoulder, before he carefully leans over and brushes his lips on the top of her head before he searches the floor for his clothes.
tagged, jill as the lovely jess.<33
words,
wearing, right here.
credits, liz!
lyrics, hayley williams, teenagers.
listening, adele, set fire to the rain.
notes, I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER!
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